When we want to be successful at something in life, we usually don't attempt to "wing it." That's why those who want to play the piano take lessons. No one can sit down at a piano for the first time and play Mozart or Beethoven. Sure, most anyone can peck on the keys long enough to figure out "Chop Sticks" or "Mary Had a Little Lamb," but that's hardly musical success. An instructor will teach us what keys produce certain musical notes, what techniques to use to access those keys and how to determine musical notes from written symbols in order to play pieces of music.
Once we've received basic education and training, it is up to us to practice and develop what we we've learned. After years of practicing, one can become adequate at making music with a piano. Clearly, success does not belong to a beginner.
Yet we often assume that success in marriage will come without any instruction or practice. Many times, we rely on some mysterious shared chemistry or compatibility and then when things don't run smoothly, we assume that individual differences are to blame. In the sad cases, divorce lawyers entitle them, "irreconcilable differences."
Usually those struggling in marriage don't question their techniques or decide they are going to start practicing with a resource or a professional. Unmarried couples usually don't seek to learn correct fundamentals and techniques to practice in their future marriage. Because of this, many people are setting themselves up for failure.
Here at Family Dynamics Institute, we have helped thousands of couples rebuild broken marriages and have helped good marriages prevent problems before they could ever develop. It's takes hard work, but it is well worth it. If your marriage is in crisis, please contact us right away at 1-800-650-9995 to learn about our intensive seminar for troubled marriages. If your marriage is not in crisis but you fear it could fall into crisis, the following three points should offer some help in keeping your marriage from reaching a point distress. If your marriage is strong, the following should help you keep it that way.
Things to remember and practice:
1. Marriage is a team sport. In talking to couples in crisis from around the United States, I often hear only one side of the story. The side I hear is usually one spouse blaming the other for all the problems within their marriage. "If only he'd _________." "If she wouldn't ________." I've been involved with enough couples to know that it is never completely one-sided. Sure, one spouse might share more of the guilt in hurting a marriage, like in cases of infidelity, but it is nearly impossible for one spouse to deserve all the blame. Don't expect your spouse to do all the work in your relationship. Each marriage partner has enough to work on within without attempting to change or manipulate his or her spouse. Be a team player in your marriage and your spouse will likely do the same.
2. Become your spouse's dream. When you were young, it's likely you had ideas and dreams of your relationship with your future spouse. Your spouse did as well.
Perhaps one of the greatest mistakes people make in marriage relationships is to stop the courtship process. You remember that time in your life don't you? When you were polite, kind, supportive, selfless, thoughtful, attentive, forthcoming and sensitive to your spouse? You made yourself into that dream. You learned what he/she liked you to wear. You learned what bothered, scared or hurt and you avoided those things. You found out what was important to him/her and you made it important to you even if it wasn't before. Do it again! People don't leave the spouse of their dreams. You'll likely find that your spouse will do the same for you.
3. Tell people good things about your spouse. In front of him or even when he's not there (the same goes for husbands about wives). If you focus on the positives in your spouse, you will find that he/she not only does more of those positive things but also adds new positives to the list. Thank him for cutting the grass or taking out the trash. Thank her for a delicious meal and tell others that she's a great cook. Be sure to compliment him on his strong arms or intelligence in front of your friends. Tell her how beautiful you think she is. Tell him he's handsome. Not only will your spouse appreciate the compliment, but you'll find it easier to treat your spouse as you should because you will be programming yourself to respect and appreciate him or her.
Marriage takes practice and work, but the rewards are for a lifetime. Remember that great marriages don't happen over night just as troubled marriages usually don't become disturbed in a few days. Start on the path to being a team player in your marriage and don't look back.
? 2005 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved.
Lee Wilson is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics attempts to prevent marriage problems by helping couples who are already in troubled marriages and by teaching those in good marriages to prevent major issues before they happen. Lee combats marriage problems from another angle with his web site for marriage problems by helping them find compatibility in possible marriage candidates. Lee hopes that his efforts will help to decrease the divorce rate around the world.
house cleaning near Buffalo Grove ..Your physiological and psychological expressions of sexual behavior during the... Read More
The big day is fast approaching, and the energy of... Read More
In Part One, we looked at what wives really want... Read More
Your wedding is nine months away and you decide to... Read More
How to get a spouse's attention so that he or... Read More
These days, many people take wedding bands and engagement rings... Read More
A frustrating lack of permanence plagues modern relationships. Approximately one... Read More
On Friday, 1st May 1835, Mr Charles Dickens, the creator... Read More
Did you know that an emotional affair can be just... Read More
Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement... Read More
Brides have always worn white, right? Not so. In ancient... Read More
Many people believe that weddings have to be costly. But... Read More
One of the most memorable days in our lives is... Read More
Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential... Read More
Your success in marriage depends largely upon having sound and... Read More
It is the maid of honor's duty to organize the... Read More
Because many men do not discuss feelings as easily as... Read More
Even though it's a great tradition with a long history,... Read More
Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of... Read More
Give disc jockey's credit. Many of them have endured so... Read More
The beginning of the journey of two souls begins with... Read More
When planning your event you should go with the most... Read More
Traditionally at weddings the speechs are made after the wedding... Read More
He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in... Read More
John's cousin, Grace, is getting married in Liverpool, UK and... Read More
reliable home cleaners Buffalo Grove ..Have you ever been lost?My favorite line about being lost... Read More
I say always register for gifts! You see, people tend... Read More
If you have met the person or the couple several... Read More
If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More
Brides looking to stay on top of their wedding plans... Read More
Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More
Strange as it may seem the use of a wedding... Read More
There are many great options to consider for letting your... Read More
You've made the plunge, you've decided to get married. Congratulations!Don't... Read More
Getting married is one of the most stressful events anyone... Read More
Only in Las Vegas can you find everything for your... Read More
When people plan to marry, they expect to find in... Read More
My belief is that most relationship problems should be given... Read More
Wedding receptions are expensive affairs and can set you back... Read More
Basically, there are three wedding bouquet styles. The cascade, round... Read More
As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked... Read More
A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More
Believe it or not, there is etiquette on how to... Read More
In my opinion, these things matter...1. Valuing commitment over instant... Read More
Almost there! This is the third lesson of my "Invitation... Read More
As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular;... Read More
When it comes to response/RSVP cards, the goal is to... Read More
A bridal shower is an excellent way for the bride... Read More
The wedding shower is a traditional party of the marriage... Read More
WHAT HAS WORKED FOR USBrief Reflections On Enjoying 36 Years... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |