Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband? Part One

Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband? Part One

Numerous men have pondered the questions, "Why does my wife say she's unhappy? What does she want that I'm not doing?" Many of the men raising these questions have been blindsided by a wife's confession that she's not happy in the marriage and wants a separation or divorce. I've seen many examples of this dynamic in marriage counseling sessions that I've conducted.

It can be confusing to try to figure out what a partner wants. And men, in particular, are having a harder time than ever because of changing expectations on the part of many females. In the past, it was enough for a husband to be a good provider, to have stable employment, and to bring home an adequate paycheck. If he didn't ordinarily drink too much, gamble his paycheck away, mistreat his wife, or blatantly run around, then he was considered a "good husband."

But now, that's not enough anymore for many females. Enter the age of the "soulmate"-a word that signifies a deep bond and heart connection, someone who's on the same "wave length" as his or her partner. Soulmates are compatible and bring out the best in each other. The relationship has satisfying intimacy and includes friendship and companionship as well as love.

The connection between soulmates is sustained by emotional intimacy and the delight the partners share at having found each other. They share feelings easily and keep each other informed as to what they're feeling, what concerns they're wrestling with, what they're worried about, and what their hopes and dreams are. Soulmates often say they feel a spiritual as well as an emotional connection to their partner.

A number of couples feel deeply connected at the beginning of their marriage. Both individuals are trying their best and are putting genuine effort and energy into the relationship. Even reticent, quiet males often make an effort to talk more and connect at this early stage in the marriage.

But, over time, the quality of the relationship can change-often for very understandable reasons, like parenting demands-and wives may begin feeling disconnected from their mates. Many husbands do not understand the importance of strengthening and nurturing emotional intimacy in a marriage. They may not feel comfortable sharing their feelings. In fact, they may not even be able to put their feelings into words and communicate them to their spouse.

A friend's husband once remarked that he'd rather stick pins in his eyeballs than have to share his feelings. And as a counselor with many years of experience, I know that he's not alone in feeling this way. Many men feel the same way.

The old model of marriage demanded a "real man," and a "real man" didn't cry, didn't show his feelings, and didn't talk about his feelings. He was strong, always in control of his emotions, and he solved his own problems without help from anyone else. While he was being emotionally strong, his wife was usually feeling increasingly distanced and disconnected from him.

Some men have asked, "Well, what do women want, then? Do they want us to act like their female friends do?" The answer is both "yes" and "no." No, they don't expect their husbands to be as interested in every little aspect of certain things as their female friends are (planning a baby shower, deciding what dress to wear to a special event, for example). But yes, they do expect to get emotional support and sharing of feelings from their husbands on a regular basis.

So what's a husband to do who has neglected this vital area of staying emotionally connected in a marriage? For specific recommendations often used in marriage counseling, read Part Two of "What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband?"

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

limousine service Skokie .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Scammers have a new trick where they pretend to be job recruiters to plant malicious apps on your devices. It all starts with a deceptive email.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Kurt the CyberGuy breaks down why those emails that warn that "Your Apple ID has been disabled" is most likely a scam. Here's how to protect yourself.

Even small mistakes can negatively impact your credit score; here are some of the most common credit report errors and how you can fix them.

Tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explores the many different ways you can repurpose that old iPhone of yours rather than trashing it.

A pioneering artificial intelligence and robotics company from China has developed a repository of over 1 million robotic movements to provide robotic training.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals the warning signs and steps to take if you suspect that your personal computer is infected with a virus.

Researchers found in a study that users of a robotic prosthetic hand could successfully grasp and move two objects at once without dropping them.

The James Webb Space Telescope captured photos of one of the earliest supernovas ever seen using infrared technology, and creating a time lapse of the phenomena.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

New Mac malware variant targets browser credentials and personal data, researchers find. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to safeguard your Mac from the latest malware threats.

The Jetson One eVTOL showcases air racing potential, ushering in a new aviation era. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the race for eVTOL supremacy is just beginning.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals that hackers stole data from Gravy Analytics, a major seller of smartphone location data to the U.S.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson: If you just bought a new iPhone, here’s what to do first when you fire it up.

AC Future and Pininfarina unveil AI Transformer homes, merging sustainability and innovation. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says this could change the way we think about home.

Technology expert Kim Komando shares her easy tips on how to declutter your phones, computers and devices from the files you no longer need.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has the details on a Volkswagen data leak that exposed the personal data of around 800,000 EV owners.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson takes a closer look at Shell's Starship 3.0: A natural gas big rig boosting efficiency 2.5 times, proving greener trucking.

PowerSchool, which serves over 60 million students and teachers globally, has become the latest target of cybercriminals. Millions of records were stolen.

CES 2025 showcased everything from artificial intelligence-powered sleep aids to smart ear-cleaning devices. Kurt the CyberGuy has the details.

A truck powered by hydrogen traveled 1,806 miles on a single tank of hydrogen with zero emissions and set a new Guinness World Record.

A Chinese company has developed a new bipedal humanoid robot that stands over 5 feet tall and can tackle a wide range of tasks in different settings.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Artificial intelligence can be a helpful tool for anyone who is willing to give it a try; here are some simple prompts you can use in order to make your life easier.

An automotive maker in China has developed a flying car that is setting the stage for a new era in how we think about commuting and connectivity in cities.

Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want in a Husband? Part One

Marriage & Wedding