How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges with your spouse? Do you value being right over preserving the quality of your relationship? And how long do you stay angry after you've had a fight?
How you answer these questions offers a clue into how secure your marriage is. Unfortunately, too many married couples let unbridled confrontations tear the fabric of their relationship.
Every couple has misunderstandings, miscommunication, and disagreements. It's human nature to see things from your own viewpoint. And it's easy to forget that your spouse's viewpoint is just as valid as yours.
Here are some tips when preparing for talks about emotional issues with your partner:
1. Take time to center yourself emotionally by sitting quietly for a few minutes. You might take deep belly breaths and count your out-breaths to keep yourself focused in the present moment, or you might meditate or pray during this time.
2. Notice any negative "chatter" in your mind and replace it with a positive statement, such as "Each time I really focus on listening intently to my spouse instead of jumping in to criticize, I'm improving our working relationship." Or "I know that we can resolve this problem about how to handle our difficulties."
3. Expect to be able to get along, talk respectfully and courteously to each other, and find creative solutions to problems. You influence what happens in interactions with others by your expectations about what you think will happen. In other words, you often get what you expect.
4. Suspend judgment and criticism so that you're prepared to really hear your spouse. Resolve to listen deeply so that you can understand the fears and concerns that are layered beneath her (or his) surface words. When you can identify and understand her deeper concerns, you're more likely to find an acceptable solution.
5. Make sure that you speak to your spouse with words that are respectful. Avoid profanity and refrain from personal attacks on your spouse. It's quite different to say "I really don't understand what you're saying. Can you please explain?" instead of "This sounds like another one of your idiotic ideas."
6. Be willing to look at your own position and admit it whenever you are wrong. This takes humility and critical self evaluation. But it will buy goodwill with your spouse. And it could set an example that he (or she) may decide to emulate.
7. Don't carry around resentment after an argument. Try to respectfully express your feelings and then let them go. Then try to reestablish closeness as soon as possible. Make an effort to make up by focusing on what you do agree on, and on what you like about your spouse.
Lee Hefner is the co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This e-book is available at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com. You can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get weekly ideas and support to help you save your marriage.
spotless home service Mundelein ..Today's tech savvy couples are plugging in and creating unique... Read More
My daughter and fianc? have finally set the "big day"... Read More
Couples experiencing their first Costa Rica honeymoon vacations are never... Read More
The reception alone will bust your wedding budget if you're... Read More
How to get a spouse's attention so that he or... Read More
Imagine the following scenario. Your spouse has given you an... Read More
Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find... Read More
Got a yen for Elvis? Lots of people do. There... Read More
An outdoor wedding reception can be host to an almost... Read More
Your wedding flowers cover all button holes, all the bouquets,... Read More
The wedding shower is a traditional party of the marriage... Read More
So, you've just got engaged.Whether you are a man or... Read More
Between paying for the wedding and setting up a new... Read More
As most of you know the evening festivities for a... Read More
Let's face it, not many of us have the kind... Read More
Choosing a wedding anniversary gift that wows your husband or... Read More
Strange as it may seem the use of a wedding... Read More
While signing a prenuptial agreement can be one of the... Read More
Hi If you are getting married or have a Bar... Read More
Vital tips on making your own wedding invitations - by... Read More
As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened... Read More
Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More
When your marriage is in trouble and you're fighting to... Read More
The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More
Marriage is a wonderful thing, but planning the wedding is... Read More
scheduled maid service Mundelein ..Many wives cheat on their husbands. This could be due... Read More
When your marriage is in trouble and you're fighting to... Read More
Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It's not... Read More
Increasing numbers of American brides are thinking about doing the... Read More
White is traditionally a symbol of purity and as it... Read More
Personalized wedding favors are among the most popular of gift... Read More
How many times has your anniversary come around and you... Read More
Gatlinburg in Tennessee is the city with streets of art... Read More
Taking the hassle out of finding your perfect and unique... Read More
Everybody talks about wedding invitations, but what about all the... Read More
It is the maid of honor's duty to organize the... Read More
You have begun to plan your wedding and you want... Read More
These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common... Read More
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More
The vows you take to become husband and wife are... Read More
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been... Read More
Original gift ideas for your Bridesmaids and Bestman.What better way... Read More
Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries.... Read More
Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is... Read More
There is an overwhelming demand for high quality, custom stationery... Read More
Diamonds may be a woman's best friend, but modern man... Read More
Inviting your possible guests on your wedding day can be... Read More
It's important that your makeup look its absolute best for... Read More
You've had friends to your home for dinner. Maybe you've... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |