Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".
Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?
According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.
Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?
First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.
Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.
Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.
Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.
Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.
For more information about Diane Sollee and the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education visit www.smartmarriages.com
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.married4good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.
If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://www.married4good.com
home cleaning services Wilmette .."Couples who've had sex before marriage will inevitably have sexual... Read More
Chocolate fountains, once a rarity at weddings, are becoming more... Read More
Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More
Rounding up the guys to devour some barbecued red meat... Read More
Wedding favors are as unique and varied as the couples... Read More
Jealousy has often been called the "green-eyed monster," and with... Read More
Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More
As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular;... Read More
Have you heard of destination wedding favors? I haven't either,... Read More
Think your bridal gown is the most important garment you'll... Read More
Wedding receptions are not as formal as they once were,... Read More
The 1999 Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride' is about a... Read More
The wearing of a man wedding ring is a relatively... Read More
It is absolutely possible to find a beautiful and affordable... Read More
An anniversary gift is the opportunity to show your loved... Read More
It's safe to say that out of all the events... Read More
When it comes to choosing your wedding decorations, you must... Read More
The wedding service in the Greek Orthodox faith is an... Read More
If you are at all familiar with Las Vegas, you... Read More
Every woman dreams of her own wedding. May it be... Read More
The extravagance of weddings is a popular topic. We blame... Read More
One of the most joyous occasions in life is a... Read More
How do you give thanks and make a lasting impression... Read More
This is intended as a guide to help you plan... Read More
Choosing a wedding anniversary gift that wows your husband or... Read More
emergency cleaning services Morton Grove ..Vital tips on making your own wedding invitations - by... Read More
Remodels are tough on everyone. The house is out of... Read More
Wedding centerpieces help tie together the look of your entire... Read More
According to the Encarta Dictionary, love is an intense feeling... Read More
No one said that you had to follow the rule... Read More
Diamond hunting can be quite traumatic for the uninitiated. It... Read More
Reading this article does not necessarily mean that if you... Read More
Everybody who has decided to marry wants their day to... Read More
Perhaps the single most important thing that must be accomplished... Read More
Wedding Invitations should be ordered when you have all the... Read More
With so many ways to ask your closest friends and... Read More
From the book Spider's Big CatchAs June wraps its arms... Read More
Hawaii honeymoon vacations could take you to a miracle trip... Read More
From purchasing the garter to choosing the photographer, brides (and... Read More
My husband and I have a perfect marriage.There. I said... Read More
The purpose of a wedding shower is to celebrate the... Read More
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship.... Read More
After seeing each other for years and being tagged as... Read More
The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, and you... Read More
When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants... Read More
Australia honeymoon vacations are more than just being the pleasure... Read More
In our hungry-for-anything new pop culture world, celebrities are often... Read More
As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked... Read More
Are you looking for a las Vegas chapel to make... Read More
Increasing numbers of American brides are thinking about doing the... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |