"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes. How true!
Have you ever been talking with someone and felt that they were miles away even though they were sitting next to you? They might have appeared to be listening, but you could sense that they weren't really mentally and emotionally present in the conversation.
We all have moments when our mind wanders and we lose focus, but if this happens frequently, our relationships with others will be negatively affected. In a marriage, intimacy is enhanced by feelings of connection and harmed when partners start feeling disconnected.
When a spouse is physically present but mentally "out to lunch," the partner will feel the difference. Something important is missing, and what is missing is the spouse's full attention to the conversation or activity. Often, the distracted spouse is feeling rushed, bored, impatient, or stressed. When that happens, the natural tendency is to constantly mentally leap ahead to the next items on the "to do" list.
If this describes you, then you are missing the experience you are having right now because you are so focused on what you're gong to do next. By living in the future, you miss the present. Besides robbing yourself of the enjoyment of the current experience, you are also negatively impacting how others feel when they are around you.
"I'll make it up to him (or her) later," you may tell yourself as you rush through yet another conversation without really looking at your spouse closely or hearing what's really being said. In the mean time, the feeling of disconnection between the two of you grows and intensifies.
One of the ways you can show respect and caring for your spouse is to give the gift of undivided attention. Likewise, you show respect and caring for yourself when you value connecting deeply with others, and that can only be accomplished in the Now. One of the best presents you can give others and yourself is to practice being fully present in your life.
It takes practice and discipline to pull yourself back to the present moment when your mind jumps ahead into the future. Breaking any long-standing habit is difficult and can take weeks, even months, of practice. But the pay-off for learning to live more of your life consciously and with more awareness of the present moment is significant.
Until you can learn to listen intently and focus your total attention on the other person, you are not connecting at the deepest, most intimate level. As Mary Catherwood observes, "Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet." This is the tragedy that befalls many marriages.
Follow these five tips to be more present when you interact with your spouse:
1. Stop what you are doing and look at your partner when he/she is talking to you. This shows respect and will make it easier to keep focused.
2. When your mind wanders, gently re-direct it back to the present moment. Take a deep breath to help you stay anchored and centered.
3. Ignore stray thoughts that flit across your mind, trying to distract you. If you don't give them attention, they won't "hook" you.
4. If you are too distracted to concentrate, tell your spouse, "It's really important to me to focus on what you're saying, and I can't seem to concentrate right now. Could we schedule a time to talk later today?"
5. Keep the bigger picture in mind. You are investing time and energy into creating satisfying intimacy with your spouse. Each interaction either adds a deposit to the intimacy "piggy bank" or makes a withdrawal from it.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com.
reliable maid service Buffalo Grove ..Diamond hunting can be quite traumatic for the uninitiated. It... Read More
Why does Co-dependence arise? Well because two or more individuals... Read More
What should you "walk down the aisle" to? Should you... Read More
The wedding day is the day that most women wait... Read More
You can look fabulous at your daughter's wedding in a... Read More
So many couples are planning to have their wedding at... Read More
If you're looking to the internet for help with your... Read More
My husband and I have a perfect marriage.There. I said... Read More
1) Write a mission statement:Most brides spend more time planning... Read More
So you've been in that perfect relationship for some time... Read More
Being disc jockeys, we get the opportunity to evaluate many... Read More
If you've been around long enough, you're aware of the... Read More
These verses of Scripture from St. Paul are commonly used... Read More
Weddings are momentous occasions to all people involved; especially the... Read More
As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked... Read More
1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender... Read More
Somewhere when you least expected, you find the person who... Read More
Mattresses and marriage go hand in hand. Sleep is important... Read More
Depending on your personal preferences and the preferences of your... Read More
The best and most valuable gifts are often not material... Read More
No one said that you had to follow the rule... Read More
Original gift ideas for your Bridesmaids and Bestman.What better way... Read More
We've all been through times in our lives when it... Read More
Wedding shower favors are a way to extend gratitude from... Read More
Wedding favors are a delightful detail for any wedding shower,... Read More
licensed cleaning services Park Ridge ..A 50th anniversary gift commemorates a milestone most married couples... Read More
Honor your Emerald Isle heritage with traditions that are romantic,... Read More
The symbolism of Celtic Diamond Rings is relevant to all... Read More
Diamond hunting can be quite traumatic for the uninitiated. It... Read More
"Extreme age differences between husband and wife may lead to... Read More
Every bride would agree that her wedding dress should be... Read More
You can rest assured that the charm of your Maui... Read More
It wasn't the wedding of the century. Six people in... Read More
Planning as early as possible for your wedding is the... Read More
Let's think about what goes into your wedding budget. Your... Read More
Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of... Read More
You've made the plunge, you've decided to get married. Congratulations!Don't... Read More
When you think about couples who renew their wedding vows,... Read More
Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of... Read More
When it comes to marriage, there are things that you... Read More
When it comes to placing your new diamond in a... Read More
Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential... Read More
So many couples are planning to have their wedding at... Read More
When Maria Callas first appeared on the international scene, she... Read More
Choosing who should walk down the aisle with you is... Read More
Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love.... Read More
This season, a Caribbean honeymoon vacation will give you unlimited... Read More
Weddings are made in heaven, they say, but they have... Read More
If you are planning to have a full wedding that... Read More
For many centuries wedding favors have been a part of... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |