Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Intimacy, What is It Really?

Intimacy, What is It Really?

Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love. It's more than the physical or even emotional connection you feel with your partner. Intimacy involves a soul connection between two people.

While instant chemistry can be exciting and thrilling, the chemistry that makes marriages work usually grows over time. This special chemistry between two people involves excellent communication and self sacrifice more than physical attraction. It takes trust, patience, and willingness to talk and to listen.

With greater intimacy, married partners can have a more satisfying and fulfilling romantic life. They can learn what pleases each other. For example, your wife may not like flowers all of the time. She may desire a massage, or a well cooked meal. Or your husband may not want the latest fashionable sweater. It's a clean car or your full attention, he desires most.

Being able to express what you want is important and genuinely listening to your spouse are key factors in building an intimate romance. Unfortunately, these skills aren't fully developed in most marriages, so as the saying goes: "Married people can be some of the loneliest people in the world."

What generally inhibits partners from building deeper relationships with each other?

Cary Barbor writes, "One partner (often the woman) will fight to break down defenses and create more intimacy while the other (often the man) will withdraw and create distance. So the "dance of intimacy" follows: If the woman gets too close, the man pulls back. If he moves too far away, she pursues, and so on." -- Finding Real Love - Intimacy and Alienation, Psychology Today (Jan 2001)

She also comments that we often try to recreate and fulfill our childhood desires through our marriage partners. We're attracted to people because they remind us of our parents (OR what we wanted our parents to be). When we realize that they are too much like our mother or our father, we become frustrated, communication breaks down, and we build self-protecting "walls".

So how can you grow in intimacy with your marriage partner? Here are some keys to unlock the mystery of deeper intimacy.

Determine what you really need out of the relationship. Is friendship more important than financial stability? Or must the bills be paid on time even if your spouse doesn't have much time with you? Can you sacrifice long conversations for more affectionate behavior? Or do you need to talk things out no matter how long it takes? The list can go on.

Determine what your spouse really needs. At first your husband or wife may be reluctant to share what he or she needs. They may have never really thought about it in an organized fashion. Maybe it would help to have him/her write down his/her desires when he/she is relaxed. Some suggestions: do a really nice deed for your partner like, drawing a warm bath or cooking a nice meal. Then ask them to take the time to think about what they need in the relationship.

Make an effort to change your behavior everyday. If your partner needs more space, draw back a little. If they need more of your time, tune out any distractions and pay attention to your spouse. You may start with fifteen or twenty minutes with no TV, phone, computer, radio, etc. and then gradually increase your time to one to two hours of uninterrupted time per day.

Finally, take care of yourself. If you are frazzled, you won't be a fun person to be around. Make sure that you have your own "me" time everyday where you can pray, meditate, and take care of your personal needs. Whether it's writing in a journal, reading a good book, giving yourself a manicure, or just vegging out, do it. You and your spouse will be happy you did.

Keishia Lee-Louis is the Executive Editor of http://www.married4good.com (November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in many other publications. Currently, she's writing a book on marriage and relationships which will be published in Spring 2006. To read more of her work see http://www.married4good.com

Barry Chicago limousine ..

In The News:

A nod to MG's storied history, the EXE181 concept car could become the world's most aerodynamic vehicle, leading the charge in energy-wise automotive design.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson runs down the seven most interesting takeaways from Google's I/O 2024 conference. Google's AI figured prominently in the conference.

Robotic dogs performed a dance routine and kissed, igniting discussion about the potential applications of this technology at entertainment venues like theme parks.

A cyberattack on computer manufacturer Dell stole information from an estimated 49 million customers. Leaked information includes names and addresses.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotic security guard stands 5 feet tall and can move at 3 mph while patrolling the workplace and reporting to a call center staffed by humans.

Facebook, X, Instagram and other top social media platforms don't come without their flaws. Here are a few quick hacks to better manage your user experience.

Powerful artificial intelligence tools offer a glimpse into a future in which planning for your next vacation is as simple as sending a text.

Car thieves have learned to exploit keyless vehicles' more advanced systems to unlock and start them without having the wireless key fob nearby, but there are ways to protect your car.

The Astribot S1's ability to mimic human movements sets it apart from other robots; it can move at about 33 feet per second and it can handle 22 pounds in each arm.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson addresses the notion of pulling the plug on a computer if you receive a suspicious pop-up message.

SpaceX's suits for astronauts embarking on the upcoming Polaris Dawn mission are sleek with advanced functionality, propulsion and life-support systems.

Some doctors are hesitant to employ AI programs in their practices, even as the FDA approves more algorithms to assist them in detecting tumors or completing less important tasks.

Researchers around the world are racing to create large wind turbines and floating platforms as upcoming lease auctions bring offshore wind closer to reality.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there's nothing wrong with using an old PC, however, it can make you more vulnerable to cybersecurity threats. Here's what you can do.

The iPhone 15 Pro and Pro Max offer customizable camera zoom settings to easily switch between standard, ultrawide and precise zoom levels. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Lexi Bogan lost her voice after doctors removed a tumor near her brain. In April, she regained her voice through an AI-generated clone trained on a snippet of her teenage voice.

Ascension, one of the largest health systems in the U.S., faced a significant cyberattack that disrupted its operations. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has more.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Gen3 Evo Formula E race car revolutionizes electric racing with its unmatched acceleration, advanced technology, sustainable design.

Laptops offer many different varieties of screen size, processors and storage. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents his guide for the best options.

Before adjusting the alarm volume on your iPhone, make sure your phone's software is updated. Change the alarm volume by entering settings.

A recent study by a cybersecurity firm found only 3% of respondents 65 and older had a digital estate plan for digital information and acccounts.

With airlines tightening their leash on pet travel, there are other more comfortable travel options for pets with private jet charters.

After a recent cyberattack affected patient record systems at Ascension, one of the largest U.S. health systems, here are a few ways you can safeguard your health records.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Intimacy, What is It Really?

Marriage & Wedding