Ending Co-Dependence

Why does Co-dependence arise? Well because two or more individuals make an unconscious contract with each other to try to satisfy the unmet needs of the other. Initially, especially in the case of a couple, this contract is defined as "love". For instance, how many times have you heard yourself or others say something like "I can't live without you". Usually this means "without you my needs won't get met". In other words, "I will start to feel empty, needy, anxious and desperate without my needs being met by you".

The reason that this type of relational contract eventually breaks down is because no one can possibly meet the needs of any other person. Trying to do so would take so much energy and effort that it would essentially deplete the person trying to. Hence at some point the person whose needs are not being satisfied will start to feel disgruntled and perhaps start using the following expression, "you don't love me any more" when what they really mean is "you have broken your contract to meet my needs".

The unfortunate result of such a broken contract is that either the individuals part and try to find someone else to meet their unmet needs or they try to force, or coerce, usually through guilt, the other person into trying to meet their needs. This is when things can get very ugly. So what can be done about this ongoing saga that seems to affect almost all relationships in my view?

Although this may not be met with applause by most individuals reading this article I must say that it becomes necessary to address one's unmet needs one's self. This is the alternative to trying to turn one's partner or friend into becoming one's "new parent". The latter strategy will always fail and leaves one's integrity in tatters. Trust me, I've seen happen hundreds of times.

So how does one address one's needs one's self? In order to begin to address this I offer an example of a common need: "I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself".

Let's look closely at what this need implies. The need suggests that it is there to help motivate the individual to get the validation he/she needs, so that, it will get met, so that, it will make that individual feel complete, whole, will give them self esteem and self confidence.

In other words that "the need to be validated will make them feel good about themselves".

So what I would like to suggest you do right now, if you wish, is summon up the need to be validated in yourself (if this is something you personally struggle with) and notice whether you feel good about yourself as you are aware of it's effect on you.

Do you feel good about yourself knowing that you have such a need? I doubt it. In fact you may feel somewhat foolish or weakened by having such a toxic need inside you. Is this what you want living inside you?

If not, make some simple statements to the effect that a) you acknowledge that the belief that this need is helping you is false b) that the need itself is toxic to you i.e. it weakens you and leaves you "needy" and c) that you would like the need and the false belief that it helps you feel good about yourself purged from your life.

I will leave it to you to determine for yourself the impact that such a simple process can have on your life and on your relationships. For more help with such issues you can visit the web site below.

Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is a Key Note Speaker, Author, Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build phyiscal, emotional, mental and spirtual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being. Personal Url: http://www.telecoaching4u.com

Barry Chicago limousine ..

In The News:

A nod to MG's storied history, the EXE181 concept car could become the world's most aerodynamic vehicle, leading the charge in energy-wise automotive design.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson runs down the seven most interesting takeaways from Google's I/O 2024 conference. Google's AI figured prominently in the conference.

Robotic dogs performed a dance routine and kissed, igniting discussion about the potential applications of this technology at entertainment venues like theme parks.

A cyberattack on computer manufacturer Dell stole information from an estimated 49 million customers. Leaked information includes names and addresses.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotic security guard stands 5 feet tall and can move at 3 mph while patrolling the workplace and reporting to a call center staffed by humans.

Facebook, X, Instagram and other top social media platforms don't come without their flaws. Here are a few quick hacks to better manage your user experience.

Powerful artificial intelligence tools offer a glimpse into a future in which planning for your next vacation is as simple as sending a text.

Car thieves have learned to exploit keyless vehicles' more advanced systems to unlock and start them without having the wireless key fob nearby, but there are ways to protect your car.

The Astribot S1's ability to mimic human movements sets it apart from other robots; it can move at about 33 feet per second and it can handle 22 pounds in each arm.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson addresses the notion of pulling the plug on a computer if you receive a suspicious pop-up message.

SpaceX's suits for astronauts embarking on the upcoming Polaris Dawn mission are sleek with advanced functionality, propulsion and life-support systems.

Some doctors are hesitant to employ AI programs in their practices, even as the FDA approves more algorithms to assist them in detecting tumors or completing less important tasks.

Researchers around the world are racing to create large wind turbines and floating platforms as upcoming lease auctions bring offshore wind closer to reality.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there's nothing wrong with using an old PC, however, it can make you more vulnerable to cybersecurity threats. Here's what you can do.

The iPhone 15 Pro and Pro Max offer customizable camera zoom settings to easily switch between standard, ultrawide and precise zoom levels. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Lexi Bogan lost her voice after doctors removed a tumor near her brain. In April, she regained her voice through an AI-generated clone trained on a snippet of her teenage voice.

Ascension, one of the largest health systems in the U.S., faced a significant cyberattack that disrupted its operations. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has more.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Gen3 Evo Formula E race car revolutionizes electric racing with its unmatched acceleration, advanced technology, sustainable design.

Laptops offer many different varieties of screen size, processors and storage. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents his guide for the best options.

Before adjusting the alarm volume on your iPhone, make sure your phone's software is updated. Change the alarm volume by entering settings.

A recent study by a cybersecurity firm found only 3% of respondents 65 and older had a digital estate plan for digital information and acccounts.

With airlines tightening their leash on pet travel, there are other more comfortable travel options for pets with private jet charters.

After a recent cyberattack affected patient record systems at Ascension, one of the largest U.S. health systems, here are a few ways you can safeguard your health records.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Ending Co-Dependence

Marriage & Wedding