Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Unhappy Marriage: Should You Stay or Leave?

Unhappy Marriage: Should You Stay or Leave?

There's no one simple answer to the question that I'm often asked, "Should I stay in my marriage, even though I'm unhappy, or should I leave?" It's impossible to give a "one size fits all" response because every marriage is different.

But there are some general guidelines that you can consider if you're in this situation. Use these thirteen tips to reflect on your marriage, your energy level, your commitment, and the degree of your dissatisfaction.

1.Don't give up prematurely. You have invested time, energy, money, hopes and dreams in your marriage. The only way many people can initiate divorce without feeling unduly guilty is to know that they have tried everything they possibly could to make the marriage better. It just makes good sense to focus on how you can improve the relationship you're in now.

2.Consider your children and how a divorce could impact them. Divorce is never easy. Preschool children and kids who are still in school will be affected in ways grown children are not, such as possible changes in schools if a parent moves, a parent possibly having to work two jobs to make it financially, the loss of daily contact with both parents, etc.

3.If your spouse has an addiction or is abusive, utilize all resources and support groups that offer help. For example, If your spouse is an alcoholic, join Al-Anon, which provides support for family members, and get your teenage children involved in Alateen so they can get the support they need to deal with the home situation. Of course, a top priority is keeping your children safe, so do not keep them in any situation that is dangerous for them.

4.Focus on how you can change yourself to be a better partner instead of how you want to "fix" your spouse. When you work on improving yourself and changing non-productive habits and approaches, then your spouse will have to relate to you differently. You may have gotten in a habitual mode of pushing each other's buttons in the same way and always eliciting the same response. But if you change your normal response, then the interaction between the two of you will change.

5.Have on-going support from a counselor who knows your issues and what you are going through. This will give you the help and encouragement you need to keep trying new things and experimenting with new approaches.

6.Encourage your spouse to consider marriage counseling. If he or she is resistant, use the techniques detailed in the special report, "How to Motivate Your Spouse to Talk to a Marriage Counselor (Even When Reluctant, Resistant, and Unwilling"). These techniques have been used successfully by numerous spouses. Report is available at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com/Special_Reports/Report_sale.htm.

7.Examine whether or not you are depending too much on your spouse to meet your needs or "make you happy." No one else can make you happy; it's an inside job. And no one person can meet all the needs of another. That's why you need friends, hobbies, and outside activities. Expand your world and see if this takes some of the pressure off of your marriage.

8.Keep a gratitude journal each day, listing all of the things you are thankful for in your life. Each day, try to find five or six new things to list that you haven't written down before. During the day, notice what happens that's a blessing: the friendly sales clerk who efficiently handles your refund with a smile, the parking space that suddenly opens up just when you need it, or an unexpected compliment from a co-worker.

9.Make a list of your spouse's positive qualities and contributions to your marriage, including things he or she has done that you appreciate. Read over this list every morning and every evening, anchoring these good points in your mind. At some point, share your list with your spouse.

10.Make a consistent effort to be positive and encouraging. Sandwich any criticism or request for a change in behavior between two compliments. For example, "You're always so responsible about mowing the yard each weekend. Could you also sweep the grass clippings off the sidewalk? Thanks for all you do to help keep the yard looking so good."

11.Work on keeping your heart open in love to your spouse. It's easy to close down emotionally when you're angry or hurt. Visualize beams of love or golden light radiating out from your heart to your spouse's heart. You can dislike the behavior but still love the person. When you send the energy of judgment and criticism to another, the response will be very different than when you send the energy of unconditional love.

12.Try writing your thoughts, feelings, and requests in a letter to your spouse. There are many spouses who have responded positively to a letter who have been notorious for tuning out the spouse's verbal pleas for years. It's a different medium of communication, and it often commands more attention.

13.When you have given your marriage your best efforts for at least a year and nothing has changed, then ask yourself the famous Ann Landers question, "Are you better off with him (or her) or without him?" Life is too short to stay stuck in a miserable marriage for years if you are the only one who wants your relationship to be different. Even at this point, though, sometimes the shock of having a spouse initiate a legal separation makes the other partner finally realize the seriousness of the situation and agree to work on the marriage.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

Wood Dale charter limousine ..

In The News:

Think your computer or laptop has been hacked? Don't panic. Follow these steps from Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson to recover a hacked computer.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to connect your AirPods to your Apple devices. There are easy ways to connect your AirPods seamlessly on your iPhone and iPad.

A nod to MG's storied history, the EXE181 concept car could become the world's most aerodynamic vehicle, leading the charge in energy-wise automotive design.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson runs down the seven most interesting takeaways from Google's I/O 2024 conference. Google's AI figured prominently in the conference.

Robotic dogs performed a dance routine and kissed, igniting discussion about the potential applications of this technology at entertainment venues like theme parks.

A cyberattack on computer manufacturer Dell stole information from an estimated 49 million customers. Leaked information includes names and addresses.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotic security guard stands 5 feet tall and can move at 3 mph while patrolling the workplace and reporting to a call center staffed by humans.

Facebook, X, Instagram and other top social media platforms don't come without their flaws. Here are a few quick hacks to better manage your user experience.

Powerful artificial intelligence tools offer a glimpse into a future in which planning for your next vacation is as simple as sending a text.

Car thieves have learned to exploit keyless vehicles' more advanced systems to unlock and start them without having the wireless key fob nearby, but there are ways to protect your car.

The Astribot S1's ability to mimic human movements sets it apart from other robots; it can move at about 33 feet per second and it can handle 22 pounds in each arm.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson addresses the notion of pulling the plug on a computer if you receive a suspicious pop-up message.

SpaceX's suits for astronauts embarking on the upcoming Polaris Dawn mission are sleek with advanced functionality, propulsion and life-support systems.

Some doctors are hesitant to employ AI programs in their practices, even as the FDA approves more algorithms to assist them in detecting tumors or completing less important tasks.

Researchers around the world are racing to create large wind turbines and floating platforms as upcoming lease auctions bring offshore wind closer to reality.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there's nothing wrong with using an old PC, however, it can make you more vulnerable to cybersecurity threats. Here's what you can do.

The iPhone 15 Pro and Pro Max offer customizable camera zoom settings to easily switch between standard, ultrawide and precise zoom levels. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Lexi Bogan lost her voice after doctors removed a tumor near her brain. In April, she regained her voice through an AI-generated clone trained on a snippet of her teenage voice.

Ascension, one of the largest health systems in the U.S., faced a significant cyberattack that disrupted its operations. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has more.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Gen3 Evo Formula E race car revolutionizes electric racing with its unmatched acceleration, advanced technology, sustainable design.

Laptops offer many different varieties of screen size, processors and storage. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents his guide for the best options.

Before adjusting the alarm volume on your iPhone, make sure your phone's software is updated. Change the alarm volume by entering settings.

A recent study by a cybersecurity firm found only 3% of respondents 65 and older had a digital estate plan for digital information and acccounts.

With airlines tightening their leash on pet travel, there are other more comfortable travel options for pets with private jet charters.

Unhappy Marriage: Should You Stay or Leave?

Marriage & Wedding