Trust in Marriage

Trust is the basis of all human relationships. Trust can be thought of as a thermometer that can measure the positive and negative nature of a relationship. The more positive one feels about a person, the higher the trust level associated with him/her.

There are many different trust levels at which we may trust others. We trust most people enough to walk around freely without expecting all the neighbors to start shooting at us. Those persons who cannot trust others at even this remote level have great difficulty functioning in the world.

However, at a more personal level, trusting your partner with your fears, dreams, and feelings is sometimes difficult. Just as when we were infants, our trust in others builds as we learn through experience that others will be accepting of us. The more we are exposed to positive trust experiences, the more trust in others will develop.

The building of a trusting attitude goes hand-in-hand with the development of positive self-esteem.

Imagine a young woman on a tropical beach dressed in heavy winter clothing. As the sun comes up in the morning, she begins to get warm and takes off her muffler and gloves and feels better. The sun continues to shine and the young lady sheds more of her heavy clothing. Each time she gets rid of a layer of protective clothing, she feels more comfortable, more in tune with her environment. If the weather changes and it gets cold again, the woman can put on a layer of clothing for protections.

So it is when we learn to trust others with our secrets, our fears, and our uniqueness. There is a period of time in every relationship when we peel off layers of protection in response to the growing warm feelings we share. As we shed our protective coats, we become more vulnerable to hurt or betrayal, but we also have the potential of building trusting relationships in which the partners can share deep feelings and grow as individuals.

In most relationships there are periods of pulling away and growing closer. These times may require us to readjust our protective layers or to pause in the process of shedding to make our needs for trusting less vulnerable. During these periods we learn about ourselves, particularly those areas about which we are most sensitive. Feelings of insecurity often indicate areas of our personal lives in which trust has been betrayed or about which we feel negatively. Taking the risk to trust sharing feelings about painful issues is often scary, but with big risks come big gains-for you and your partner.

When trust is absent, there are deep and hidden animosities. Respect is lost and our relationship is compromised as our energies go into manipulation and protection rather than working together towards a shared vision.

Trust is having the confidence in your judgment to trust yourself to trust your partner. Before you day "I Do," you need to ask yourself, do I trust my intended?

As adults, we learn to trust through observation, experience and self-awareness. Our partners earn our trust by exhibiting trust worthy behaviors and communications. Their behaviors are consistent with their "talk" and you have learned you can place your confidence in him/her.

People have integrity when their behavior matches their words. They do what they say they are going to do. It's a red flag in a relationship if, over time, a person's behavior does not consistently match their words. In short, hear the words but watch the actions.

We are human beings and guess what? Human beings often mess up and make mistakes. We have many shortcomings, imperfections and defects. That's part of everyday life. But people who can be trusted take responsibility for their weaknesses. They don't blame others or make excuses. When they mess up, they admit it, and, to the best of their ability do some serious damage control.

Understand that two people can look at the same experience and have very different responses. An ugly blue building may be colorful to someone else. Your benevolent gesture may feel invasive to someone else. In order for trust to grow, these different perspectives must be acknowledged even when they're not understood.

We tend to trust the people with whom we feel secure. When we know we can be ourselves and say what we really think and feel without repercussions our trust builds. A requirement to walk on eggs is a metaphor for the fragility of that security. If you feel insecure in being able to express yourself or feel that there are some things you cannot say to your partner for fear of repercussions, a red flag should immediately go up.

It takes time to develop trust in someone, especially for people who have been hurt before. Who do you trust? What are the characteristics that support that trust? If the relationship is important to you what are the small steps you can do to restore betrayed trust?

Trust is central for a loving, honest and respectful relationship. Both you and your fianc? should trust each other to remain loyal, be honest, communicate feelings, thoughts and opinions openly and genuinely, value each other as human beings and not objects to be used and manipulated.

When you trust your partner, you will be protected. You know you won't be hurt, betrayed, or ridiculed. You can let down your guard and really be yourself with your partner, allowing a feeling of complete security to flow through the relationship. You don't need to censor or edit your conversations, or alter your behavior (as long as your words and behavior are kind and courteous). You can open your heart to the other person. And, as I mentioned earlier, this deep trust and mutual vulnerability forms the very foundation of lasting and loving relationships.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach which can be reviewed on her site. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, is expected to be available soon.

You are welcome to visit amen ministries: your soul's service station for spiritual refreshing, soul edification or to browse our newly expanded mini shopping mall.

Blessings to all!

Barry Chicago limousine ..

In The News:

A nod to MG's storied history, the EXE181 concept car could become the world's most aerodynamic vehicle, leading the charge in energy-wise automotive design.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson runs down the seven most interesting takeaways from Google's I/O 2024 conference. Google's AI figured prominently in the conference.

Robotic dogs performed a dance routine and kissed, igniting discussion about the potential applications of this technology at entertainment venues like theme parks.

A cyberattack on computer manufacturer Dell stole information from an estimated 49 million customers. Leaked information includes names and addresses.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

A robotic security guard stands 5 feet tall and can move at 3 mph while patrolling the workplace and reporting to a call center staffed by humans.

Facebook, X, Instagram and other top social media platforms don't come without their flaws. Here are a few quick hacks to better manage your user experience.

Powerful artificial intelligence tools offer a glimpse into a future in which planning for your next vacation is as simple as sending a text.

Car thieves have learned to exploit keyless vehicles' more advanced systems to unlock and start them without having the wireless key fob nearby, but there are ways to protect your car.

The Astribot S1's ability to mimic human movements sets it apart from other robots; it can move at about 33 feet per second and it can handle 22 pounds in each arm.

Tech wizard Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson addresses the notion of pulling the plug on a computer if you receive a suspicious pop-up message.

SpaceX's suits for astronauts embarking on the upcoming Polaris Dawn mission are sleek with advanced functionality, propulsion and life-support systems.

Some doctors are hesitant to employ AI programs in their practices, even as the FDA approves more algorithms to assist them in detecting tumors or completing less important tasks.

Researchers around the world are racing to create large wind turbines and floating platforms as upcoming lease auctions bring offshore wind closer to reality.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there's nothing wrong with using an old PC, however, it can make you more vulnerable to cybersecurity threats. Here's what you can do.

The iPhone 15 Pro and Pro Max offer customizable camera zoom settings to easily switch between standard, ultrawide and precise zoom levels. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how.

Lexi Bogan lost her voice after doctors removed a tumor near her brain. In April, she regained her voice through an AI-generated clone trained on a snippet of her teenage voice.

Ascension, one of the largest health systems in the U.S., faced a significant cyberattack that disrupted its operations. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson has more.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how the Gen3 Evo Formula E race car revolutionizes electric racing with its unmatched acceleration, advanced technology, sustainable design.

Laptops offer many different varieties of screen size, processors and storage. Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents his guide for the best options.

Before adjusting the alarm volume on your iPhone, make sure your phone's software is updated. Change the alarm volume by entering settings.

A recent study by a cybersecurity firm found only 3% of respondents 65 and older had a digital estate plan for digital information and acccounts.

With airlines tightening their leash on pet travel, there are other more comfortable travel options for pets with private jet charters.

After a recent cyberattack affected patient record systems at Ascension, one of the largest U.S. health systems, here are a few ways you can safeguard your health records.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Trust in Marriage

Marriage & Wedding