Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of anger and resentment from their marriage. Periodically, they unpack these suitcases and review every situation in which they feel they were treated unfairly.
"Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins," declares Neil Kinnock. Hanging on to anger and resentment is toxic, and the resulting sludge can slowly poison you.
It's easy to lose your perspective about the bigger picture and to be become obsessed with how things "should" have been and how others "should" have treated you. In your mind, you may visualize yourself zapping the other person with the perfect verbal comeback or having the opportunity to get even in some way. The more you let your mind gallop in this direction, the angrier you get and the more you feel self-righteous and justified in your reaction.
When you become mired in anger, resentment, blame, and revenge, you are only hurting yourself. In the process, you put yourself at risk for experiencing health problems, sleeping difficulties, depression, relationship rifts, and daily agitation. You automatically increase your stress level and decrease your enjoyment of life. And the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.
Nothing you do to try to find inner peace will be effective when you are filled with anger and resentment. "If we have not peace within ourselves, it is in vain to seek it from outward sources," states Francois de La Rochefoucauld. As long as you hold on to bitter feelings, you are sabotaging yourself by destroying any chance that you can experience peace of mind.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, in "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace," states: "It's your ego that demands that the world and all the people in it be as you think they should be." He continues by saying, "It is perhaps the most healing thing that you can do to remove the low energies of resentment and revenge from your life completely." Dr. Dyer compares resentment to venom that continues to circulate in your system long after the snakebite has occurred. He emphasizes that it's not the bite that kills you; it's the venom.
What, then, is the antidote? How can you find peace of mind? How can you handle your feelings of anger and resentment from the experiences in your marriage? How can you create a peaceful marriage now?
The answer lies in letting go of resentment and practicing forgiveness. You can't change what has happened, and you can't control what your spouse chooses to do. But you do have control over the choices you make.
You can choose to cut the emotional bond that is keeping you tied to your anger and resentment. Instead, you can decide to experience the joy of freedom from the heavy burdens you have been carrying around for so long. To get the help you need in letting go of the past, you always have the option of asking a therapist or minister to assist you.
Thomas Fuller observes, "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven." Without forgiveness, your life becomes an endless cycle of anger, resentment, and retaliation.
You practice forgiveness so that you can stop ruminating about the past and put your energy into the present moment. And you practice forgiveness so that you will be free from the poisonous effects of resentment.
Then, you can experience peace of mind and bring that inner peacefulness into your marriage. You will never have a peaceful marriage until you are at peace within yourself.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com.
detailed home cleaning Glenview ..All brides want to be beautiful on their wedding day,... Read More
From the book Spider's Big CatchAs June wraps its arms... Read More
So, you've just got engaged.Whether you are a man or... Read More
Most girls know by the age of 12 what kind... Read More
Getting married is one of the most stressful events anyone... Read More
The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There's... Read More
The Cancun honeymoon vacation comes with its bagage of sweet... Read More
Ritual symbolism abounds in everything we do; this is particularly... Read More
Dear Friends of Marriage,There is a lot of talk on... Read More
There is nothing more romantic than a wedding by water... Read More
Mexico, a country rich in arts and ancient cultures and... Read More
Wedding favors have evolved over time. Wedding favors today combine... Read More
Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love.... Read More
One of the most beautiful of the bride's adornments at... Read More
Through my personal & professional coaching practice, marital issues often... Read More
Personalized wedding favors are among the most popular of gift... Read More
Whatever your religious affiliation, or whatever you'd like to experience,... Read More
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently... Read More
As an experienced counselor, one of the questions I'm asked... Read More
It is absolutely possible to find a beautiful and affordable... Read More
Wedding favors are as unique and varied as the couples... Read More
In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced... Read More
Increasing numbers of American brides are thinking about doing the... Read More
Thousands of years ago, the Celts, a group of independent... Read More
Let's face it retirement is a time of great transition... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now,... Read More
Every bride would agree that her wedding dress should be... Read More
Give disc jockey's credit. Many of them have endured so... Read More
Have you ever noticed that weddings seem to be all... Read More
Moissanite is fast becoming the new diamonds. The newest jewelry... Read More
Being apologetic doesn't come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate... Read More
Between paying for the wedding and setting up a new... Read More
"Couples who've had sex before marriage will inevitably have sexual... Read More
It's time to look for a banquet facility. Most clients... Read More
Every woman dreams of her own wedding. May it be... Read More
Perhaps the single most important thing that must be accomplished... Read More
Since Maui and Hawaii in general have been blessed with... Read More
Las Vegas wedding receptions are where people tend to go... Read More
"Til death do us part" is still the language used... Read More
Hi If you are getting married or have a Bar... Read More
Being a best man is like many duties you will... Read More
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship.... Read More
If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More
Biologically, a coupling between male and female (with some very... Read More
No one has as much fun as the bride to... Read More
Weddings are memorable events couples and their families want to... Read More
As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened... Read More
Wedding shower invitations should lay out all of the necessary... Read More
"What in the world could they have been thinking?"Definitely words... Read More
Want to manage your wedding guests with style and ease?... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |