1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender is good, but any kind will work). Down the left side of the page, write the numbers 1-10. Now ? without stopping to think about it, fill in this page! Write down the first 10 things that come to mind in response to this sentence: "I love (my partner's name) because . . . " Set this piece of paper aside.
2. Now ? how about YOU? What do YOU bring to this union? What promises will you make? Take another sheet of paper, and write 'em down ? don't worry about spelling, grammar, or anything else at this point. Just write down 4-5 things you want to promise this very special person with whom you want to spend your life.
? Do you promise to be there in bad times as well as good?
? Do you promise to be faithful with your body as well as with your mind and heart?
? Do you promise to support your partner even when he/she isn't perfect?
? Do you promise to share all your resources? Some?
? What about if he/she gets sick? What about if you have a serious fight?
You get the idea . . . what are you promising in this union?
3. Think about the language you will use to claim your partner and name your relationship. When you introduce your beloved, what words will you use? Husband? Wife? Spouse? Partner for Life? What energy does each of these have for you? If you don't like one for some reason, throw it out. . . but before you start writing you vows, decide . . . what language will you use? This is a decision you need to make together . . . so start early, and give this as much time as it takes.
4. OK, after you've done steps 1-3, and you've got at least two pages of writing and one decision made ? set it all aside. Do something else, preferably with your partner, and preferably fun. Like Christmas trees, weddings get too much "stuff" hung on them, Make yours beautiful, by stepping aside from the stress for a day or two. Go out and remember WHY you love . . . go and play.
5. Done that? Now it's time to make a BIG DECISION. Are each of you going to write your own vow, or do the two of you want to say the same thing? You don't have to, you know ? some of the most beautiful ceremonies I've celebrated had each partner saying something different . . . But here's a trick: If you're each creating your own unique vow, why not insert a sentence at the end symbolizing the fact that you come together as unique individuals, and, without surrendering your individuality, you are creating a beautiful, shared union. Here's an example of words each partner might use to complete his or her unique vow:
John, I accept you as my husband.
I Tracy, embrace you, Susan, as my partner for life.
6. It's time to go back to the papers you wrote in Steps 1 and 2. If you're working together, you'll have fun sharing those pages, and seeing where you overlap . . . Use colored pencils or highliters to lift up what you have in common ? and make those promises and statements of love just leap off the page.
7. Now, whether you're working alone or as a couple, it's time to prioritize. Which is fancy language for saying, OK, if I have to cut two of these promises off the list, which ones will they be? Nibble at your lists, removing the things that are just a little less juicy, until you're left with three or four things you love . . . and about the same number of things you promise.
8. Copy these over onto a brand new, clean page. (It's amazing what a difference a clean sheet of paper can make ? trust me on this!)
9. One more question . . . this is a wedding, a celebration of your union, presumably for life. Will your vows indicate a time frame? Some couples use phrase like: "Through all our years, and in all that life may bring us . . . " "For the rest of my days"
"As long as we both shall live"
"lifetime partner."
"partner forevermore."
Whatever works for you, a wedding or service of union vow should contain a phrase that indicates the duration of your commitment. ( If you've come this far, I hope you've decided to promise your commitment for life.)
10. Read your vow out loud to a trusted someone other than your partner. Does it sound like you? How does it feel to say these words aloud? Have you said anything you'd be embarrassed to say in public? Are there any tongue-tanglers in there? (It's amazing how seemingly simple phrases turn complex when it's time to speak!) Make whatever minor changes you need, and then Stop. Feel good about what you've done ? for you have created one of the greatest gifts you will ever make.
(c) Maureen Killoran, 2004
Maureen Killoran, MA, DMin, is a Unitarian Minister and a life coach in private practice in Hendersonville, NC. You can learn more about her services as a wedding consultant and officiant at http://www.spiritquest.ws . . . and about her coaching practice at http://www.spiritquest.ws
experienced cleaning professionals Des Plaines ..The enchanting Belize honeymoon resorts captivate every visitor through the... Read More
"Til death do us part" is still the language used... Read More
More Americans are taking "til death do us part" seriously.... Read More
There is a huge array of diamond wedding rings available... Read More
Most visitors to Hawaii would agree that Maui is the... Read More
Your wedding invitations are your announcement to family and friends... Read More
Imagine the following scenario. Your spouse has given you an... Read More
With today's economy, and the layoffs occurring as a result... Read More
Wedding favors have evolved over time. Wedding favors today combine... Read More
Your big day is now over all the stress of... Read More
Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of... Read More
Your wedding is quite possibly the most important day of... Read More
Almost there! This is the third lesson of my "Invitation... Read More
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More
Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries.... Read More
If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More
One of the top priorities on a wedding day is... Read More
All brides want to be beautiful on their wedding day,... Read More
Your true love got down on his knees and asked... Read More
Every woman in the room agreed that Crichton was a... Read More
Choosing a wedding anniversary gift that wows your husband or... Read More
During a marriage crisis, you can feel like your whole... Read More
A wedding is one of the most special days planned... Read More
Diamond spending - well, that is up to you. What... Read More
The relationship expert on i.village.com, I am the author of... Read More
green cleaning service Deerfield ..Hiring music entertainment can arguably be the most important booking... Read More
Marriage counseling is an investment of money, time, and energy... Read More
Your groomsmen will be donating their time to your big... Read More
Here are five seeds of a great marriage from grandmother.... Read More
A bridal shower is an excellent way for the bride... Read More
There are so many styles of wedding gown to choose... Read More
It's time to look for a banquet facility. Most clients... Read More
Weddings are momentous occasions to all people involved; especially the... Read More
Recently, I stumbled across something on the internet. A particular... Read More
Too many wives with cheating husbands put up with their... Read More
If you've been around long enough, you're aware of the... Read More
One of the most joyous occasions in life is a... Read More
Because many men do not discuss feelings as easily as... Read More
Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More
Thanking your wedding party with special gifts is a favored... Read More
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More
Being chosen as a maid of honor is a great... Read More
Getting Married? Congratulations! You just set the date for the... Read More
Many wives cheat on their husbands. This could be due... Read More
Candles, rose petals, satin, succulent foods, perfume-you're probably already familiar... Read More
Every woman dreams of her own wedding. May it be... Read More
I've been noticing a few things lately that a few... Read More
Are you looking for a las Vegas chapel to make... Read More
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years... Read More
So you're having a wedding anniversary. Congratulations! It's quite a... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |