Me Tarzan! You Jane!

Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a walk, came a across a young woman. Struck by her beauty he immediately tried to get her attention by violently thumping his chest, his good imitation of Tarzan's victory cry reverberating through the length and breadth of the forest.

His mother, seeing that he was receiving no reaction, said in disgust, "Oh, Billy, when it comes to women you have no idea. Instead of all that thumping and roaring, why don't you give the girl what she really wants?"

Being a bright lad, he knew exactly what she meant. Quick as a wink he placed a ring of heavy rope around her ankle and took her home to his cave.

No woman could resist such a pledge of love. Not then. Not ever.

Having learned their lesson, men have been placing all sorts of rings on women's fingers ever since. For the less demanding there were grass rings and flower rings and string rings and ribbon rings.

The more ostentatious ladies liked a bit of metal, and even more, a good-sized rock to go with it. Seeing it sparkling on their finger like a star in the sky, they would throw their arms around the lad crying, "Oh, Jimmy, I do love you so. I'll never love anyone else but you." The trusting fool believed it, of course, little realizing that as soon as she was shown a bigger carat, she'd be off, possibly even carrying his paltry offering with her.

What fun the girls used to derive from trying the ring now on this finger, now on that. Some thought it looked best on their thumb, others preferred to have it on their tallest digit, and others still chose a finger according to the needs of the occasion. When attending the opera, for example, an index finger was great for showing off that rock as you pointed it in this or that direction. Visiting a spinster aunt ? or as the politically correct phrase in Australia has it, the "never validly married" lady - it seemed more charitable to place it on a less conspicuous finger, the out of the way small finger.

But whatever the finger, the girl always placed the ring on the right hand, the dominant hand. This was the hand that cooked and sewed and rocked the cradle and spanked bottoms of future kings and queens.

Somehow that ring gave a girl a sense of power which began to alarm her young man. She might be the queen of his heart in the privacy of her boudoir, but in the world he must always be king.

Taking his lady aside, he began whispering sweet nothings into her ear, which included let's switch that ring from the right hand to the left.

"But it is the right hand which is the dominant one, my love."

"Well, you see my dearest, ahem, ahem," he could hardly tell her that if there was any dominating to be done, he wanted to be the one doing it, "the heart is on the same side as the left hand."

"So?"

"Why, don't you see, my sweetness, there's a vein that runs right from the heart to the left-hand finger."

"I didn't know you knew anything about anatomy?"

"When you're a man," he says modestly, "there's very little that you don't know. Now about that ring."

"But which finger, exactly, is this vein attached to?"

"Which finger can you move least?"

"The finger right next to my little finger, of course."

"That's the one!"

Vlady is an Australian Civil Marrige Celebrant.

She is the author of "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings" and "The Small Organisation Handbook".

She is a member of the Queensland Civil Marriage Celebrant Association, Celebrants' Training Association, Australian Authors' Association and Romance Writers of Australia Association.

You can visit Vlady at her website http://www.vlady-celebrant.com

weekly home cleaning Morton Grove ..

In The News:

Kurt Knutsson's guide covers social media privacy protection through location settings, account privacy controls and two-factor authentication to prevent scams and data breaches.

Revolutionary retinal implant restores central vision in 80% of patients with advanced macular degeneration, offering hope where treatments once only slowed blindness.

Learn how to use passkeys on Windows and Mac computers without cameras or fingerprint readers. Discover secure authentication methods that replace passwords.

Tesla's FSD v14.1.2 update reintroduces Mad Max mode, enabling higher speeds and more frequent lane changes than the standard Hurry profile setting.

A phishing email scam targeting American Express customers shows how cybercriminals use fake urgent messages to steal personal and financial information.

Facebook's new Meta AI feature analyzes your camera roll photos to create polished collages automatically, but requires cloud processing and raises privacy concerns.

A New Jersey teenager filed a major lawsuit against AI/Robotics Venture Strategy 3 Ltd. over ClothOff, an AI tool that created fake nude images from her social media photos.

Microsoft reports Storm-2657 cybercriminals sent phishing emails to 6,000 addresses at 25 universities to steal payroll credentials and redirect funds.

Astronomers have discovered asteroid 2025 SC79, a skyscraper-sized space rock orbiting the sun in just 128 days. the second-fastest known.

The Fox News AI Newsletter delivers the latest developments form the world of artificial intelligence, including the technology's challenges and opportunities.

A cyberattack on SimonMed Imaging exposed personal information of 1.2 million patients, including medical records, financial details and identity papers.

Spotify's managed accounts for kids under 13 now available in at least seven countries, allowing parents to filter and block explicit content and songs.

Friendly text conversations about BBQs and social events can lead to WEEX gold trading scams that target older adults with fake investment opportunities.

California company Skyeports creates self-healing glass spheres from Moon regolith that generate solar power and support plant growth for sustainable lunar living.

Cleafy researchers discover fake VPN streaming app Mobdro Pro that installs Klopatra banking Trojan, giving attackers full control over Android devices.

Police departments across the U.S. and Canada are adopting virtual reality training to better prepare officers for high-pressure, real-world situations.

House Bill 469 would prevent AI systems from owning property, serving as executives, or gaining legal personhood in Ohio under Representative Thaddeus Claggett's proposal.

Public voter records expose retirees' personal details to election scammers who create targeted cons using names, addresses, and voting history data.

Instead of fearing what comes next with artificial intelligence, think outside the box. Here are high-earning AI jobs that don't require a computer science degree.

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman says polite words like "please" and "thank you" cost millions annually, while direct prompts may improve ChatGPT accuracy by several points.

Chattee Chat and GiMe Chat exposed intimate conversations and photos, revealing users spent up to $18,000 on AI companions before the breach.

New Instagram parental controls allow families to manage teen screen time and content limits through the Family Center with stricter safety settings.

Third-party security breach at Discord exposes sensitive user information including government IDs, highlighting cybersecurity risks from external service providers.

Survey of 1,000 students shows teens using AI for personal relationships while two-thirds of parents remain unaware of their children's AI usage.

Cybersecurity experts warn about a ShadowLeak vulnerability that weaponized ChatGPT's Deep Research agent to steal personal data from Gmail accounts through hidden commands.

Me Tarzan! You Jane!

Marriage & Wedding