Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Marital Fulfillment: Tips for Intercultural Couples

Marital Fulfillment: Tips for Intercultural Couples

Through my personal & professional coaching practice, marital issues often come up as factors affecting a client's personal & career goals. Intercultural relationships is an area of personal experience, as my own marriage is one such relationship. It is commonly known that these relationships have unique concerns due to differences in upbringing, culture and language.

For the vision of one person lends not its wings to another person.
Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

The area of Japan in which my husband (Japanese) and I (American) live is a stunning example of how one spouse's vision can be starkly different from the other. This area is an ancient, rural village. If an image would help you, visualize the couple in the portrait "American Gothic." Male and female roles tend toward the traditional and are sharply delineated. One gets the sense that many relationships here, including marriages, are bound by duty and obligation. If my partner were an American, there would be no chance that he would choose an area like this in which to settle. My Japanese husband, however, thought nothing of introducing me to his home in this remote area.

My saving grace? I had lived in Japan previously and had a reasonable idea of what to expect in terms of male/female roles, social norms and the educational system. I would highly recommend anyone considering an intercultural marriage to take a joint trip to your partner's home country, and observe your partner interacting with family and friends. One common reason for marital discontent is that the expatriate partner, when in his/her country of origin, can revert to cultural norms which may be unfamiliar and even offensive to outsiders. Gender roles and attitudes are a common area in which behavior can vary between countries.

Reading about the experiences of other international couples is helpful in lending perspective to concerns that may come up in your relationship. One book I have used is Intercultural Marriage: Promises & Pitfalls, by Dugan Romano, Intercultural Press, ?1997. Some topics covered:

values
food/drink
sex
male/female roles and rights
time management
ultimate place of residence
punctuality
politics
friends
finances
in-laws
social class
religion
raising children
language and communication
stress and conflict
illness / suffering
ethnocentricism
trailing spouse issues
death/funeral expectations
promises
helpful factors for marital success
practical considerations before taking the first step
phases of adjustment

Intercultural couples have a tendency to work harder on their marriage, since differences are expected and can be more pronounced. The couples that are most successful keep working on their concerns, learn to develop a sense of humor about small differences, and realize they are not going to see everything eye to eye. All this is to say that concerns

are to be expected, particularly in international relationships, and you're not alone.

One more book I'd like to mention is: The Premarital Counseling Handbook, by H. Norman Wright, Moody Press, 1992. This book is meant for counselors, but I found it an easy read. What I like about this book is that it talks a bit about reasons why people choose a partner from a different culture and what the implications may be. Some people look for an escape from their current life problems or even their country. Others look for novelty, a change. Some marry out of a sense of charity, as can be the case when partnering with an immigrant or a potential emigrant in a disadvantaged situation.

Appealing stereotypes, though often misleading, of a partner's country and people, as well as a perceived increase in status, can also serve as motives for a transcultural partnership.

A different language is a different vision of life. --Federico Fellini

If you are living in a foreign country long term, are not familiar with the language, and are having communication concerns with your partner, you might consider picking up the language at at least a basic conversational level. Then, see if your understanding of the culture, as well as your partner, increases. I speak Japanese fairly well, and also find the written aspect fascinating. An iconic language system (such as the kanji utilized in Japanese), provides an excellent way to derive insight into Japanese culture. One book I referenced describes the kanji for "onna," or woman, as the shape of a woman pregnant with child. Other well-known kanjis that reveal Japanese culture are: "otoko," man, comprised of the kanjis strength" and "rice field." "Sensei," teacher, is made up of the kanjis meaning "born ahead/older." "Oku" in "okusan," wife, means "in back/inside/hidden." My husband affectionately calls me "maesan," lead person/person in front, when he would like a favor from me.

And last but not least, when working issues out with your partner, do consider the power of the metaphysical world. Techniques such as kything, where you co-create positive outcomes, can be powerful in bringing solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems. Keep your options and your mind open on the road to marital satisfaction.

Do you have questions about intercultural relationships?

Feel free to contact me at mailAThersheywier.com (substitute @ for AT)

?2005, Hershey Wier

Hershey Wier, BS Education, MBA, is a Career & Self-Development Specialist specializing in holistic, creative approaches to career and life transitions. Visit http://www.hersheywier.com

professional maid services Northbrook ..

In The News:

A third-party dental marketing agency's unsecured database exposed millions of patient profiles with personal information that could be exploited for identity theft and insurance fraud.

New York-based Aircela unveils refrigerator-size device that converts air and water into fossil-free gasoline, with initial deployments planned for 2025.

Your home address is easily accessible on people finder sites, putting you at risk for stalking and identity theft, but data removal services can help protect your personal information.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Robot combat evolves at Unitree's Iron Fist King event as G1 robots face off in China, featuring knockouts, precise strikes and agile machines that can perform side flips.

Take control of your digital privacy with actionable tips like Facebook privacy checkup, location tracking management and data removal services to protect your personal information.

Smart TVs and streaming devices manufactured in China are being compromised by BadBox 2.0 malware before users even power them on; infections have been detected in 222 countries.

The lightweight, 15-pound Tenniix tennis robot mimics pro playing styles like Nadal and Federer, using AI trained on 8,000 hours of professional tennis data.

Oak Ridge's uranium enrichment facility supports America's AI ambitions amid concerns that China's aggressive nuclear reactor construction could give it an edge in powering data centers.

Facebook scam ads now leverage AI and deepfakes to create convincing celebrity endorsements, targeting specific demographics with sophisticated schemes.

Apple unveils iOS 26, macOS 26 Tahoe and iPadOS 26 with translucent Liquid Glass design at WWDC 2025, featuring ChatGPT integration as competitors advance rapidly.

The Atom Touch prosthetic arm combines an AI neural interface with EMG sensors, allowing amputees to control individual fingers with precision at an affordable $25,000.

Aspen officials aim to have crews on the scene within five minutes — something they say would be nearly impossible without precise location data the AI technology gives.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says iPads are usually secure, but hackers can access them. Spot warning signs early to protect your data.

Tech expert Kurt Knutsson reveals how to easily move photos and videos off your iPhone or Android to securely protect your favorite moments.

The Social Security Administration is launching digital SSN access this summer. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you learn how to use it and protect your identity.

Glide underwater with CudaJet and make the ocean your playground. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses the redesigned tech that might be your next big thrilling adventure.

Protect yourself from login alert scams with five security steps, including avoiding suspicious links, checking account activity and enabling two-factor authentication

Skip the usual Father's Day gifts with personalized ideas for tech enthusiasts, home brewers, pool owners, seniors, outdoor lovers and privacy-conscious dads.

DMV text scam alert: Fraudsters impersonating motor vehicle departments nationwide are sending threatening messages about unpaid tickets and tolls to steal your information.

Fox News' AI Newsletter brings you the latest on this rapidly evolving technology.

E-BAR, MIT's mobile robot, provides physical support for seniors with handlebars that follow from behind, helping prevent falls while maintaining dignity for aging adults.

AI is changing everything – now, we can even use it to generate video. I tried OpenAI's Sora and Google's Veo – here's how they measure up against each other.

Five simple phone setting tweaks that make your device work harder for you, from automatic text message deletion to scheduled focus modes.

Android users can save time with 10 simple automations, including automatic battery saver mode, location-based Wi-Fi settings and scheduled "Do Not Disturb" mode.

Marital Fulfillment: Tips for Intercultural Couples

Marriage & Wedding