Irreversible

My husband had two affairs last year. I am pretty confident he is not cheating now, and we are seeing a marriage counselor. He has changed much since I found out what he was doing. He put our property in my name and bought me a $12,000 diamond ring.

He is affectionate to me most of the time. I believe this is proof that he loves me. The problem is I also have proof that he does not love me because he had affairs. So I have proof he loves me and proof he does not love me.

Our marriage counselor tells me his affair is in the past, and I agree. The problem of the past is that one second later everything is in the past. To me, saying it is in the past is just a way to excuse anything. You could do almost anything, and then later say it is in the past.

If you drive drunk and kill someone, can you say it's in the past? Just because you do not drive drunk anymore you can never bring that person back to life. It may be in the past, but it has certainly destroyed the future. That is the problem.

The therapist wants to focus on the present and future, and consider the affair in the past. If this is a way to move on, then my husband can do almost anything to me and later be forgiven. He can even plan to do something and say to himself later on it will be in the past.

Because something happened before and is not happening now is not a good reason to think it will not happen again. For me, because something happened in the past, it is more reasonable to believe it will happen again. After all, if he had not cheated, there would be no past cheating and no reason to say "put it in the past."

Kayla

Kayla, your logic is correct, and your therapist's reasoning is incorrect. As human beings we have to forecast our future in order to understand what we should do today. Your forecast for the future has changed because your husband has sex with other women.

His cheating is not in the past, because he can do it again. But there is one thing which is in the past. That one thing is fidelity in your marriage. Fidelity, the unbroken wedding vow, is in the past. It is gone and cannot be regained.

Texas Justice

Yesterday I caught my girlfriend of two years in bed with my now ex-friend. I walked in and caught them in the act. After beating the hell out of him, I told my girlfriend to go to our house and wait for me. Upon arriving home the question I kept asking is, "Why?" She says she doesn't know why.

We went and saw a counselor that very same day. I told her we could work through this, but after sleeping on it I'm not sure I want to. I guess you could sign me "Cheated on in Texas."

Roy

Roy, most people who sleep on a problem wake up just as muddled as they were the night before. But in the course of one night, you gained the insight needed to grasp the end of your relationship.

Why do you go to work? Why do you pay your bills? Why do you lock your truck in a bad neighborhood? You know why.

When someone is caught doing what they know is wrong, the classic first answer is, "I don't know why." Why are there so many "innocent" people in jail? Because once you admit guilt, you must suffer consequences. If you claim innocence, there is a chance you might escape justice.

Ultimately, why doesn't matter. What she did ends the relationship. What she did trumps why she did it.

Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 15, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.wayneandtamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: www.wayneandtamara.com.

house cleaning company Glenview ..
In The News:

Google's discontinued Nest thermostats still secretly upload home data to company servers despite losing smart features, raising serious privacy concerns.
New Android malware NGate steals NFC payment codes in real-time, allowing criminals to withdraw cash from ATMs without your card. Learn protection tips.
DoorDash confirms data breach exposing customer names, emails, addresses after social engineering attack. Learn how to protect yourself from scams.
Concerned about Google's AI scanning your Gmail? Learn how to disable Gemini features that access your emails, Drive files and Chat messages for privacy.
Google warns Android users about dangerous fake VPN apps hiding malware that steals passwords, banking details and personal data from phones and tablets.
Apple's digital passport feature lets iPhone users breeze through TSA checkpoints this holiday season using Digital ID technology at 250+ airports.
A new phishing scam targets family photos with fake "Cloud Storage Full" alerts. Criminals steal credit card information through fake sites. Learn protection tips.
South Korean scientists create ultra-thin fabric muscles that turn clothes into robotic assistants, lifting 33 pounds while weighing under half an ounce.
Archer Aviation has acquired Hawthorne Airport for $126M to launch an LA air taxi network ahead of the 2028 Olympics, featuring AI-powered eVTOL operations and next-gen aviation tech.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Fake AI apps disguised as "ChatGPT" and "DALLĀ·E" are flooding app stores with dangerous malware that steals data and monitors users without detection.
Fake buyers demand specific vehicle reports from unknown sites to steal credit card information from car sellers, but warning signs can help identify these scams before paying.
Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.
NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.
Holiday scams spike during Black Friday and Cyber Monday as criminals exploit your leaked personal data. Learn how to protect yourself from fake stores and phishing.
Commerce Department proposes TP-Link router ban over Chinese security risks. Learn how this potential prohibition could affect your home network and devices.
Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.
Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.
Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.
Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.
New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.
Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.
The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.
Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.
Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.

Considering Success in Marriage

Your success in marriage depends largely upon having sound and... Read More

Wedding Cake Design Through History

The design of the traditional wedding cake has varied greatly... Read More

Men?s Wedding Rings - Should a Man Wear One or Not?

Strange as it may seem the use of a wedding... Read More

Do We Still Need Wedding Traditions?

Traditionally at weddings the speechs are made after the wedding... Read More

Whats a Goldfish Doing at a Wedding?

Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find... Read More

How to Choose Your Wedding Shoes

Wedding day is known as the most unforgettable day in... Read More

Hot Wedding Trend: Platinum Wedding Rings

In our hungry-for-anything new pop culture world, celebrities are often... Read More

Wedding Invitation Labels and Envelopes

Computer printed labels are a time-saver, but they make the... Read More

Displaying Your Wedding Bouquet

The great day has come and gone, and you are... Read More

Low Budget Wedding Reception

The reception alone will bust your wedding budget if you're... Read More

Wedding Invitation Tips and Advice

You're well into planning your wedding and have finally decided... Read More

Alcohol and Wedding Receptions?Everything You Will Need to Know

Sure you want your guests to enjoy themselves at your... Read More

Common Format Of A Wedding Reception

The following article can be copied but you must keep... Read More

Rose Petals Add The Perfect Touch For A Wedding

Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or... Read More

Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories

A person's wedding can be one of the most important... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No.1

Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More

Prenuptial Agreements: The Deal Breaker?

So you're toying with the idea of getting married? Maybe... Read More

Unique Wedding Invitations

Today's tech savvy couples are plugging in and creating unique... Read More

Planning Your Outdoor Wedding Reception

An outdoor wedding reception can be host to an almost... Read More

The Loveliest Las Vegas Wedding Reception

If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More

Belize Honeymoon Resorts

The enchanting Belize honeymoon resorts captivate every visitor through the... Read More

Throwing a Las Vegas Garden Wedding

You may not think of Las Vegas as an area... Read More

Games For A Wedding Shower

Games for a wedding shower are the best ways to... Read More

Meaningful Wedding Gift Ideas

A wedding is one of the most special days planned... Read More

Searching For A Discount Mother Of The Bride Dress

You can look fabulous at your daughter's wedding in a... Read More

last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..