Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage, the more likely you are to have a successful one. Therefore, it is incumbent upon you to give serious consideration to your expectations of your fianc?. Are they realistic? Are they fair?

Far too many couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations of the marriage and of each other. In more marriages than we would choose to believe, couples inability to meet the other's expectations resulted in the marriage's premature demise.

Here are 4 don'ts that if adhered to will avert a lot of discord and emotional turmoil in the marriage and help to make your marriage a satisfying one.

1) Don't expect your partner to be able to read your mind. It is unfair, unrealistic and nescient. Some people get an attitude and break marital harmony because they did not get the "gift" they expected or wanted, yet they did not communicate this to their spouse. Our minds are too complex and changing for anyone to know what we are thinking. TELL your partner what you want or be open to accepting whatever is given you in the spirit in which it is given. Of course, this is not only in regards to the material but to behaviors as well. Let your partner know what your expectations are. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.

2) Don't think you are going to have a "perfect" marriage. To do so is to set yourself up for an enormous let-down. There is no such thing. How can anyone expect a perfect marriage when there is no perfect person? You are as imperfect as your intended wife or husband. If a person was inane enough to try to do everything you wanted them to do and behave exactly as you dictated, you would still have an imperfect marriage and one does not have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why.

3) Don't believe your partner can make you happy. Come on now. Wake up and smell the coffee. No one has the power to make us happy. This is something we can only do for ourselves and it is a choice. For example, let's say your new husband/wife decided to cook a special meal for you with all the trimmings. You are both surprised and delighted. Now, did he/she make you happy? NO. You made yourself happy. How? In recognizing his/her thoughtfulness in going through the trouble of creating this meal, you chose to appreciate what was done for you which had a positive affect and you felt "happy." Take the same scenario only this time you are displeased. You don't like what was cooked and think your spouse should have "known" this and you choose to display an attitude of disapproval. Negative feelings are evoked and what was intended to be pleasant turns ugly. Did your spouse make you unhappy? NO. You made yourself unhappy. How? By chosing to be non-appreciative and negative in your thinking which resulted in a negative affect, "unhappiness or displeasure." In other words, how each individual choose to interpret events, behaviors, communications determines how each individual will "feel". Negative feelings cannot be produced by positive thoughts.

4) Don't be on police stake-out patrol. No human wants to feel they are being watched 24/7 or need to give an account for every place they go or justify for everything they do. Nor do they want you following them like a shadow. No couple want their partner with them all the time. We all need space to grow, space to share with others, space to be alone. Don't expect your partner to want to do everything with you. If you have trust issues, deal with it BEFORE you say "I Do."

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. http://www.clergyservices4u.org. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, will be available in July.

shuttle to Midway Maywood re">chicago limos St. Charles west of Randal .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

The FBI has issued a warning that scammers are impersonating doctors, police and banks using spoofed numbers as "smishing" texts surge nationwide.

Communities with unreliable internet service stand to gain after Amazon's Project Kuiper launched its first full batch of satellites into orbit April 28.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says unsubscribing from spam might actually backfire. Learn when to avoid it and stop junk effectively.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how the first nonstop beating heart transplant, called zero ischemic time, at Taiwan hospital changes surgery.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson: FBI warns of "time-traveling" hackers.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about a soft, vine-like robot called SPROUT that aids safe survivor rescues in collapsed buildings.

Health insurance giant Blue Shield of California confirmed it had been sharing private health data of 4.7 million users with Google for three years without even realizing it.

Delta and JetZero’s blended wing body aircraft marks a meaningful step toward a cleaner, quieter and more efficient future for air travel.

Recent reports show many common passwords can be cracked in literally seconds. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how to strengthen your passwords.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Iron, a robot that stands 5 feet, 8 inches tall and weighs 154 pounds, combines advanced artificial intelligence with human-like movement and exceptional vision.

Hertz, the rental car giant, recently confirmed that customer information was exposed through a cyberattack on one of its software vendors.

There are a number of features with AirPods you may or may not know about to take your listening experience to the next level. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

These 35 Chrome extensions have privacy and security concerns. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says to delete them now.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 329,000 mph fusion rocket promises to be fast, disruptive and enable deep-space missions.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says a new autonomous AI is a game changer that also raises privacy risks. Is your data safe?

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says robots and drones are revolutionizing fruit farming with faster picking and smarter handling.

Landmark Admin revises May 2024 cyberattack scope to show twice as many people were affected. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives tips to help stay safe from an insurance data breach.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about how Yamaha’s hydrogen outboard motor could revolutionize boating with zero emissions.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals how to memorialize or remove a deceased loved one’s Facebook account and protect their digital legacy from misuse or scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says an Apple Watch saved psychiatrist Amanda Faulkner by detecting deadly leukemia early.

Scammers and fraudsters are increasingly targeting the most vulnerable, especially nursing homes and the personal data of their residents. Kurt the CyberGuy has safety tips.

Infected USB flash drives can spread malware among multiple organizations in ways that can easily bypass traditional security systems.

With a fully automated warehouse system and AI-powered robots, Ocado's Hive picks, packs and delivers grocery store orders in just a few minutes.

Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

Marriage & Wedding