Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Have you ever been irritated because your spouse does things differently than you do? Do you get upset if he or she has different opinions and makes different choices than you would? If so, you have bumped up against some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your marriage. Here are three important points to consider:

1. Fear underlies control issues.

Control issues cause problems in many marriages. The feelings you experience at those times can be very intense and may include rage at the other person. Most people feel more secure when others around them mirror their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Your safety needs and fears contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There is safety in numbers," refers to this primitive fear of standing alone.

Also, many people feel more in control when they can predict the behavior of others and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of growing, changing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, orderly, predictable, and safe.

2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you harms your marriage.

Your control issues are also triggered by viewing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, how she wears her hair, who she is friends with, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your spouse may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment.

3. Using insults and name calling are attempts to regain control.

While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in relationships, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a partner who is angry that the spouse did not follow his dictates could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may think he has the right to "punish" the other person. Name calling and derogatory put-downs, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.

It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to state that he or she needs to change. It's hard to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. As you become more aware of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com.

last minute cleaning help Glencoe ..

In The News:

The iconic Mary Kay pink Cadillac goes electric with the Cadillac Optiq, available only to the company's top 1% of sales force performers.

Cybercriminals abuse trusted Intel driver to gain kernel access and shut down Windows Defender, enabling undetected malware deployment since July 2025.

Using email aliases for online shopping and subscriptions can protect your privacy by preventing companies from linking your activity across websites.

New research shows AI overlap does not equal job replacement, with knowledge-based roles seeing most integration while physical jobs remain least affected.

Scammers target seniors who avoid social media by exploiting public records like obituaries and real estate filings to steal personal information and money

Recovery team in Italy use AI-enabled drones to detect missing hiker's red helmet, leading to successful recovery after months of ground searches

Google Salesforce system breach exposes business data while scammers use incident to target users with fake security calls and phishing attempts.

Google announces Pixel 10 lineup with Tensor G5 chip and Gemini Nano AI, introducing Magic Cue, Pro Res Zoom up to 100x and satellite emergency support features.

C San Diego study reveals 86% of school safety companies monitor students 24/7 on personal devices, raising privacy concerns.

Users can now add their favorite outlets' coverage to the Top Stories section of Google search results by utilizing the 'preferred sources' feature. With just a few clicks, you can add Fox News.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Interstellar object 3I/ATLAS shows an unexpected frontal glow that Harvard's Avi Loeb says cannot be explained by sunlight reflection or standard cometary outgassing.

Receiving order confirmations for purchases you never made could mean your email address is being exploited in fraud operations targeting multiple retailers.

First wireless brain implant works with Apple's official protocol, enabling hands-free control of iPhones, iPads and Vision Pro through thought alone.

Data brokers sell personal details that scammers use to target retirement funds through fake financial advisor calls and convincing phishing attempts

Ten innovative tech solutions from gait sensors to smart pill dispensers help adults 65+ track fall risks and prevent injuries before they happen.

Meta AI internal documents revealed chatbots were allowed to flirt with children and engage in romantic conversations until the company was exposed by Reuters.

ChatGPT will avoid giving direct mental health advice under new OpenAI rules following instances where the AI model provided harmful or misleading responses.

Your phone tracks you in more ways than that little GPS icon suggests. Here’s how to find and clear hidden location logs on iPhone and Android.

Authorities in France and the Netherlands have been notified. Meanwhile, impacted customers are being told to stay alert.

Apple just rolled out a redesigned Blood Oxygen feature to specific models, following a recent victory in a legal dispute.

Kidney dialysis provider DaVita experienced a ransomware breach by the Interlock gang affecting 916,000 people in the second-largest U.S. healthcare attack of 2025.

A Chinese-made Unitree R1 robot walked Manhattan streets and shopped for shoes as part of KraneShares' $28 million AI robotics fund promotion campaign.

The ShinyHunters cybercriminal group breached Google's Salesforce system through vishing attacks, stealing business contact details and customer data.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems

Marriage & Wedding