Have you ever been irritated because your spouse does things differently than you do? Do you get upset if he or she has different opinions and makes different choices than you would? If so, you have bumped up against some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your marriage. Here are three important points to consider:
1. Fear underlies control issues.
Control issues cause problems in many marriages. The feelings you experience at those times can be very intense and may include rage at the other person. Most people feel more secure when others around them mirror their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Your safety needs and fears contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There is safety in numbers," refers to this primitive fear of standing alone.
Also, many people feel more in control when they can predict the behavior of others and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of growing, changing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, orderly, predictable, and safe.
2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you harms your marriage.
Your control issues are also triggered by viewing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, how she wears her hair, who she is friends with, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your spouse may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment.
3. Using insults and name calling are attempts to regain control.
While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in relationships, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a partner who is angry that the spouse did not follow his dictates could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may think he has the right to "punish" the other person. Name calling and derogatory put-downs, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.
It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to state that he or she needs to change. It's hard to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. As you become more aware of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at http://www.keepyourmarriage.com.
reliable home cleaners Mundelein ..Perhaps the biggest worry of a bride-to-be, is picking out... Read More
"What am I supposed to have in my invitation?" This... Read More
The 1999 Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride' is about a... Read More
The purpose of a wedding shower is to celebrate the... Read More
Great deals can be found when you know how much... Read More
You are locked in your seat on the most famous... Read More
Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement... Read More
If you are in the process of design a wedding... Read More
It's safe to say that of all the important events... Read More
In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are... Read More
The typical wedding reception entertainment scheme of pretty flowers and... Read More
Celebrate your marriage by planning a Florida honeymoon vacation with... Read More
If bar-hopping and male strippers aren't the bride's idea of... Read More
Need a quick idea to dress up a mediocre wedding?... Read More
It is wrong if you thought that typical British weddings... Read More
When it comes to choosing your wedding decorations, you must... Read More
Imagine it's Halloween evening and you've just gone to the... Read More
Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when... Read More
Have you heard enough about the "Runaway Bride" yet? Well,... Read More
Got a yen for Elvis? Lots of people do. There... Read More
Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps... Read More
Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It's not... Read More
The wearing of a man wedding ring is a relatively... Read More
If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More
The vows you take to become husband and wife are... Read More
insured cleaning company Wilmette ..Nestled in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, Gatlinburg's romantic and beautiful... Read More
Here comes the bride! Walking through the alley confidence holding... Read More
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been... Read More
All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the... Read More
You are locked in your seat on the most famous... Read More
Is it safe for a wife to be smarter than... Read More
It is absolutely possible to find a beautiful and affordable... Read More
How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges... Read More
Deciding the menu is a pretty simple affair. Once you've... Read More
One of the best benefits of marriage is that you... Read More
Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel and Bookpleasures is pleased... Read More
The beginning of the journey of two souls begins with... Read More
Deik and Kim, remember that marriage is a COVENANT relationship.... Read More
Congratulations! You have found the man of your dreams and... Read More
When it comes to choosing your wedding decorations, you must... Read More
It's time to look for a banquet facility. Most clients... Read More
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently... Read More
The Arizona Inn is just the place that you are... Read More
The reception alone will bust your wedding budget if you're... Read More
Getting the wedding tables right can make a big difference... Read More
If you've been around long enough, you're aware of the... Read More
That first wedding was a dream, a gorgeous long white... Read More
You invitation is a reflection on the type of wedding... Read More
Your wedding is quite possibly the most important day of... Read More
Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |