As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened to scores of unhappy marital stories from clients. It is not my intention to pose as a marriage counselor nor therapist, as I am neither. However, via my previous experience as a crisis counselor, and as a partner in an intercultural marriage with its own unique characteristics, I have built up a store of helpful tips, some of which I share with you below.
"To those who choose to marry with love, knowledge and commitment"
is the dedication line in a very important book in my life. This is one of the pre-marital workbooks I used to assess to what extent my husband and I were compatible for marriage. It offers information and questions that help couples examine their attitudes and expectations for married life. Difference in expectations is a common cause of marital discord, and the most unfortunate part is that these expectations are often not discussed prior to making wedding vows. After all, before tying the knot, couples are in that magical state of euphoria and seeming invincibility. "Love conquers all" is the ubiquitous message in popular music and movies. Admittedly, the pedantic, almost arduous activity of talking through pages and pages of questions in preparation for marriage can be a bit daunting. Yet taking the time to do so is guaranteed to save the potential bride and groom time and heartache. Afterward finishing the process, some couples may find out what they may fear most, that they need more time to decide if they are ready to commit their lives to one another. It's better to learn this before the knot is tied. Of course, there is no guarantee that after having gone through a pre-marital question and answer process that a marriage will be trouble-free. However, you will have gained invaluable insight into crucial areas that can make or break-up a marriage, and you will be better prepared to handle issues as they come up.
Whether you're planning to wed or are already wed / in a committed relationship, and would like more fulfillment, using a pre-marital workbook to help you and your partner explore issues is a sensible idea.
The dedication line above is from the book Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook: How to Really Get to Know the Person You're Going to Marry, by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan, Thomas Nelson Publishers, ?1992. There are other books out there that have similar purposes, this happens to be the one I know best since I've used it in my own marriage. This book does a fairly thorough job of covering the issues, such as:
emotional love
behavioral patterns
family backgrounds
communication
friendship love
time management
perceptions
listening
commitment love
attitudes
household management
financial management
expectations
honesty
covenants to one another
conflict resolution
priorities
anger
ghosts that each partner brings into the marriage
religious beliefs
sexuality
child planning/rearing
lifestyles
Some of these topics may be awkward, yet the book does the job of broaching them for you. The discussion process can be fun, even romantic if you let it be so. And, face it, whether you choose to deal with these issues before or after you walk down the aisle, they will be dealt with in one way or another. For those who have already tied the knot, it's not too late to discuss these issues on an as-needed basis. One thing I like about this book is its covenants - promises that partners make to one another, complete with signature lines. Those signatures serve as a standing record of your mutual honor and commitment.
Do you have questions about the pre-marital/post-marital discussion process? Contact me at mailAThersheywier.com (substitute @ for AT)
Copyright 2005, Hershey Wier
Hershey Wier, BS Education, MBA, is a Career & Self-Development Specialist specializing in holistic, creative approaches to career and life transitions. Visit http://www.hersheywier.com
professional maid services Northbrook ..One of the best benefits of marriage is that you... Read More
Have you ever heard the expression, "The Urge to Merge"?It... Read More
Hopefully, you've read my prerequisite lesson "Invitation Anatomy 101 ?... Read More
Mattresses and marriage go hand in hand. Sleep is important... Read More
These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common... Read More
You invitation is a reflection on the type of wedding... Read More
Chocolate fountains, once a rarity at weddings, are becoming more... Read More
One of my favorite memories from last year was not... Read More
The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More
Many spouses carry heavy suitcases filled with a collection of... Read More
I've been noticing a few things lately that a few... Read More
All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the... Read More
Planning a wedding is an exciting thing, and can be... Read More
When it comes to your wedding services, nobody wants to... Read More
You have purchased the latest bridal magazines from your local... Read More
Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More
Of all the things you need to do, buy and... Read More
I am a woman, 42, who three years ago married... Read More
Wedding favors have evolved over time. Wedding favors today combine... Read More
Wedding favors are a delightful detail for any wedding shower,... Read More
Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement... Read More
1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender... Read More
Mens wedding bands are an emerging phenomenon. Whilst women have... Read More
For a bride, shopping for bridesmaid dresses can be one... Read More
When planning your wedding, what type of entertainment are you... Read More
house refresh service Bannockburn ..Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years... Read More
If the fires of passion in your marriage have been... Read More
A wedding is one of the most special days planned... Read More
When it comes to marriage, there are things that you... Read More
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question... Read More
If you have met the person or the couple several... Read More
When you think about couples who renew their wedding vows,... Read More
Thinking about remarrying? Consider these reasons why others have chosen... Read More
Proposing marriage to your beloved is a very big step.... Read More
The term and role "Maid of Honor" is sometimes confusing,... Read More
Just the thought of all the expenses that come with... Read More
In my opinion, these things matter...1. Valuing commitment over instant... Read More
The biggest problem long-distance spouses often face is how to... Read More
Butterfly Releases offer the viewer the chance to see beauty... Read More
You have begun to plan your wedding and you want... Read More
Got a yen for Elvis? Lots of people do. There... Read More
Astrology is considered to be the oldest of all sciences,... Read More
The wearing of a man wedding ring is a relatively... Read More
If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More
You have your band (around your finger), now it's time... Read More
With so much to do, every bride needs a surefire... Read More
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More
So, you decided to opt for an outdoor wedding under... Read More
Vital tips on making your own wedding invitations - by... Read More
A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |