Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".
Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?
According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.
Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?
First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.
Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.
Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.
Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.
Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.
For more information about Diane Sollee and the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education visit www.smartmarriages.com
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.married4good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.
If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://www.married4good.com
recurring maid service Morton Grove ..If you have met the person or the couple several... Read More
Every couple wants wonderful photos of their wedding day that... Read More
Before George W Bush became a President, John Quincy Adams... Read More
Computer printed labels are a time-saver, but they make the... Read More
When you are planning a budgeted menu, you must first... Read More
Caricature entertainment will make your wedding celebration stand out and... Read More
In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, Jewish wedding rings play... Read More
Trust is the basis of all human relationships. Trust can... Read More
I am a woman, 42, who three years ago married... Read More
Your wedding flowers cover all button holes, all the bouquets,... Read More
Tina Turner asked an important question in the title of... Read More
Dear Friends of Marriage,There is a lot of talk on... Read More
The sole purpose of save-the-date cards is to give the... Read More
Communication plays one of the most important roles in any... Read More
The formula for marital harmony and success is not a... Read More
Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More
Hearing that your cheating spouse is "in love" with someone... Read More
Weddings are made in heaven, they say, but they have... Read More
India is a diverse, multi-cultural country with people of various... Read More
The beginning of the journey of two souls begins with... Read More
The most unique beach wedding reception ideas are sparked by... Read More
Basically, there are three wedding bouquet styles. The cascade, round... Read More
When you're married, the boundaries between yourself and your spouse... Read More
Your big day is now over all the stress of... Read More
In my opinion, these things matter...1. Valuing commitment over instant... Read More
after renovation cleaning Highland Park ..'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.' This is... Read More
Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or... Read More
The bridesmaid gift is essential to the planning of a... Read More
Did your wonderful husband-to-be recently "pop the question" and now... Read More
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently... Read More
You are engaged and one of the most important days... Read More
Are you a Bride-to-Be? Wonderful! Congratulations! But what's that enormous... Read More
Once you've mortgaged the rest of your life for the... Read More
When people think about great love stories, more often than... Read More
All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the... Read More
Whether you want to add a little extra romance to... Read More
In the next six months, my... Read More
WHAT ARE THE TOP FIVE WEDDING FAVORS AND WHY?At most... Read More
"Presently, 40% of all first marriages in this country end... Read More
Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find... Read More
It's a fact, however odd it seems, that some brides... Read More
Since Maui and Hawaii in general have been blessed with... Read More
Increasing numbers of American brides are thinking about doing the... Read More
The wedding service in the Greek Orthodox faith is an... Read More
As you reach 30 and beyond, you encounter a very... Read More
Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It's not... Read More
Prescription for a happy marriage: one cup of tea or... Read More
The purpose of a wedding shower is to celebrate the... Read More
If you're going the increasingly popular route of personalizing your... Read More
Bless the bride... and God help the video maker. True.... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |