Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".
Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?
According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.
Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?
First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.
Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.
Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.
Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.
Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.
For more information about Diane Sollee and the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education visit www.smartmarriages.com
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.married4good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.
If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://www.married4good.com
house cleaning near Buffalo Grove ..Wedding rings are a symbol of union. A union between... Read More
Think creatively and add a personal touch to your special... Read More
You can look fabulous at your daughter's wedding in a... Read More
Every bride wants a fairytale wedding. Therefore, this article is... Read More
So your not one of those fabulous actresses or models... Read More
If you're getting married, a Bridal Show is a great... Read More
Remodels are tough on everyone. The house is out of... Read More
Your groomsmen will be donating their time to your big... Read More
Have you ever been lost?My favorite line about being lost... Read More
The 1999 Julia Roberts movie 'Runaway Bride' is about a... Read More
Selecting a wedding ring isn't as easy as it looks.... Read More
So you're toying with the idea of getting married? Maybe... Read More
Vital tips on making your own wedding invitations - by... Read More
Wedding catering has always been one of the most crucial... Read More
Did your wonderful husband-to-be recently "pop the question" and now... Read More
Every couple has different priorities when it comes to budgeting... Read More
Here follows suggestions and tips that will help you determine... Read More
Diamond spending - well, that is up to you. What... Read More
White is traditionally a symbol of purity and as it... Read More
These days, many people take wedding bands and engagement rings... Read More
If you are looking forward to a vacation of attractive... Read More
Remember the frenzy of the paparazzi when they caught Sarah... Read More
When it comes to your wedding services, nobody wants to... Read More
Deciding the menu is a pretty simple affair. Once you've... Read More
Inviting your possible guests on your wedding day can be... Read More
reliable home cleaners Buffalo Grove ..Sometimes a wedding arch is a no-brainer way to spruce... Read More
Wedding flowers make up a large part of the wedding... Read More
Is it to be a summer wedding or winter wedding?... Read More
Communication plays one of the most important roles in any... Read More
If you've been around long enough, you're aware of the... Read More
Providing chocolate as a wedding favor has been a time... Read More
The enchanting Belize honeymoon resorts captivate every visitor through the... Read More
Every bride wants a fairytale wedding. Therefore, this article is... Read More
Traditionally, a wedding band was worn on the ring finger... Read More
Details, details, details. Paying attention to details, that's what makes... Read More
The relationship expert on i.village.com, I am the author of... Read More
When I was the owner of a major wedding facility,... Read More
When it comes to choosing your wedding decorations, you must... Read More
Give disc jockey's credit. Many of them have endured so... Read More
Las Vegas wedding receptions are where people tend to go... Read More
Planning a wedding is hard enough without having to think... Read More
There's no way to absolutely guarantee that your marriage won't... Read More
Planning a bridal shower? Maybe a dear friend or even... Read More
On Friday, 1st May 1835, Mr Charles Dickens, the creator... Read More
It's time to look for a banquet facility. Most clients... Read More
How many times has your anniversary come around and you... Read More
Games for a wedding shower are the best ways to... Read More
As we hear the music begin to play the Bridal... Read More
Is the cost of your wedding putting the honeymoon of... Read More
These verses of Scripture from St. Paul are commonly used... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |