Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".
Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?
According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.
Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?
First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.
Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.
Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.
Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.
Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.
For more information about Diane Sollee and the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education visit www.smartmarriages.com
Keishia Lee-Louis is the Editor and Publisher of http://www.married4good.com (launching November 2005). Her work has appeared on iVillage.com, BibleResourceCenter.com, and in numerous other printed publications.
Currently, she lives with her husband, daughter and son and is writing a book on marriage relationships, which will be published Spring 2006.
If you'd like to see more of her work, visit http://www.married4good.com
on demand house cleaning Glenview ..He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now,... Read More
It's safe to say that out of all the events... Read More
Wedding cake bakeries will have a cake portfolio to look... Read More
The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage,... Read More
Exchanging anniversary gifts is a long standing tradition. Many couples... Read More
These verses of Scripture from St. Paul are commonly used... Read More
Butterfly Releases offer the viewer the chance to see beauty... Read More
The term and role "Maid of Honor" is sometimes confusing,... Read More
Thousands of years ago, the Celts, a group of independent... Read More
Buying engagement rings online doesn't have to be confusing or... Read More
Brides through the ages have accessorized with wedding jewelry to... Read More
Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years... Read More
In the beginning of a relationship, love seems to have... Read More
In the last article, we concluded by saying that keeping... Read More
Basically, there are three wedding bouquet styles. The cascade, round... Read More
One of the top priorities on a wedding day is... Read More
1) Write a mission statement:Most brides spend more time planning... Read More
Getting Married? Congratulations! You just set the date for the... Read More
Whoever said diamonds are women's best friends, surely missed on... Read More
When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants... Read More
Games for a wedding shower are the best ways to... Read More
In times gone by it wasn't uncommon for young couples... Read More
Have you heard enough about the "Runaway Bride" yet? Well,... Read More
In theory, setting up a registry is simple. You decide... Read More
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question... Read More
house cleaning company Bannockburn ..Marriage and Attraction: Relation is successful as long as there... Read More
One of the biggest areas of dispute in estate planning... Read More
When I was the owner of a major wedding facility,... Read More
Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More
White is traditionally a symbol of purity and as it... Read More
Receiving wedding gifts is a whole lot more fun when... Read More
Once you've mortgaged the rest of your life for the... Read More
It is absolutely possible to find a beautiful and affordable... Read More
So, you've just got engaged.Whether you are a man or... Read More
Does it seem like the phrases "ecology" and "wedding" could... Read More
Apparently for a person to get married is like burning... Read More
The extravagance of weddings is a popular topic. We blame... Read More
You have to start with a thorough to do list... Read More
With so much to do, every bride needs a surefire... Read More
If you're like most people, you probably entered into marriage... Read More
Selecting a wedding gown is possibly one of the most... Read More
Your physiological and psychological expressions of sexual behavior during the... Read More
If you forget the ring, there is still a chance... Read More
Let's talk about writing love letters.Not candy coated pap. Not... Read More
Marrying for love, financial security and/or companionship does not guarantee... Read More
A wedding planned in the spirit of nature provides the... Read More
Congratulations! You have found the man of your dreams and... Read More
The best and most valuable gifts are often not material... Read More
Simply put, intimacy is more than sex or making love.... Read More
Being a best man is like many duties you will... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |