Home
>
Marriage & Wedding
>
Building Up Your Marriage with Healthy Communication

Building Up Your Marriage with Healthy Communication

Would you like to have a stronger, healthier, more enjoyable marriage? I am sure that you would. And yet we live in a culture where about half of all marriages will shatter and end in a divorce, leaving behind the wreckage of broken adults and broken children.

If we are to build healthy marriages, we much do so "on purpose." We cannot just hope that it will happen by accident. "Hope," say the generals, "is not a good strategy." Planning, work, and the investment of time, are much better strategies for any important endeavor of life. The first characteristic of a healthy marriage for us to consider is the way that we talk to our spouse, and the way that we talk about our spouse..

Healthy marriages are characterized by supportive, encouraging, and honest communication. We want to build each other up in our marriages, never tear our spouse down (especially under the guise of being "honest"). Two thousand years ago St. Paul wrote this verse that is worthy of every refrigerator door in America,

"Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to what they need, so that you can benefit those who listen." (Paul's letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 4).

There are three important parts to Paul's verse. First, that if we don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all. I think my mother told me that as well. Second, that we should consider our listener's needs. My wife has a different set of needs than does my daughter, or my sons. We should consider how best to encourage and support that particular person. Finally, the purpose of our talking in the first place should be to benefit the listener.

When I first began to seriously apply Paul's principle, and I began to really look at what I was saying, and why I was saying it, my vocabulary and my time talking were cut by about one-third. I had become sarcastic, but funny. But my funny sarcasm was always at the expense of another. When I determined to build others up and benefit them with my speech, I talked a lot less. But I became a much better person, both inside and out.

Check your motives. If you just want to make yourself look good, you will tend to be sarcastic, and you will tend to "tease" other people by degrading them in front of others. The consequences of this will be that your friends will see your "teasing" as shameful, and your spouse and your children will grow distant from you. It may cost you your marriage.

If , on the other hand, your motives are to build up and encourage your spouse and children, then speak words of support, love, and praise to them. Your friends will view you as a loving person, and your spouse and children will always want to be near you. They will love to hear you talk, as your words will be "like honey" to them.

So choose well how you will use your words. You have the power to build up, or to tear down, just by the choices that you make.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

on demand house cleaning Glenview ..

In The News:

Researchers discover phishing scam using invisible characters to evade email security, with protection tips including password managers and two-factor authentication.

iPhone and Android users can reduce battery drain and data usage by restricting Background App Refresh to Wi-Fi connections instead of mobile networks.

Scammers nearly stole an Apple account by exploiting the support system with authentic-looking tickets and phone calls, users can protect themselves with safety steps.

FoloToy restored sales of its AI teddy bear Kumma after a weeklong suspension following safety group findings of risky and inappropriate responses to children.

Threat intelligence firm Synthient uncovers one of the largest password exposures ever, prompting immediate security recommendations.

Viral video shared by Elon Musk shows Tesla's Optimus humanoid robots performing tasks from cooking to construction, garnering over 58.5 million views on social media.

Chinese hackers used Anthropic's Claude AI to launch autonomous cyberattacks on 30 organizations worldwide, marking a major shift in cybersecurity threats.

Apple's new Sleep Score feature gives you a rating for your nightly rest quality. Learn how to set it up on your Apple Watch and iPhone today.

Essential phone settings to enable before losing your device, including Find My network, location services and security features for iPhone and Android.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Cybersecurity research shows weak passwords remain a major threat, with simple patterns and number sequences putting millions of accounts at risk.

New Android malware BankBot YNRK silences phones, steals banking data and drains crypto wallets automatically. Learn how this advanced threat works.

FDA approves first human trial for Paradromics' brain-computer interface that could restore speech for paralyzed patients through neural technology.

New phishing platform QRR targets Microsoft 365 users across 1,000 domains in 90 countries. Learn how to spot fake login pages and protect your accounts.

OpenTable now uses AI to track your dining habits and share insights with restaurants. Learn what data they collect and how to protect your privacy.

Google's discontinued Nest thermostats still secretly upload home data to company servers despite losing smart features, raising serious privacy concerns.

New Android malware NGate steals NFC payment codes in real-time, allowing criminals to withdraw cash from ATMs without your card. Learn protection tips.

DoorDash confirms data breach exposing customer names, emails, addresses after social engineering attack. Learn how to protect yourself from scams.

Concerned about Google's AI scanning your Gmail? Learn how to disable Gemini features that access your emails, Drive files and Chat messages for privacy.

Google warns Android users about dangerous fake VPN apps hiding malware that steals passwords, banking details and personal data from phones and tablets.

Apple's digital passport feature lets iPhone users breeze through TSA checkpoints this holiday season using Digital ID technology at 250+ airports.

A new phishing scam targets family photos with fake "Cloud Storage Full" alerts. Criminals steal credit card information through fake sites. Learn protection tips.

South Korean scientists create ultra-thin fabric muscles that turn clothes into robotic assistants, lifting 33 pounds while weighing under half an ounce.

Archer Aviation has acquired Hawthorne Airport for $126M to launch an LA air taxi network ahead of the 2028 Olympics, featuring AI-powered eVTOL operations and next-gen aviation tech.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Building Up Your Marriage with Healthy Communication

Marriage & Wedding